Tag: life untangled

Wedding Week Countdown: Family is the Principal Thing

My family is 6 days from celebrating our first wedding. My older sister is getting married next weekend.

It is such a beautiful and exciting time. The planning is mostly complete and the final ticks are being marked on the checklist. I am getting more and more excited to party all weekend with some of my favorite people -my closest loved ones.

My family certainly can never be accused of perfection. We are VERY human. The last year of walking through the changes this engagement (and life) has brought though reminds me of how brilliant family teamwork really is.

We relocated one of my sisters to a new apartment out of state when she got a major promotion at work. We helped my future brother-in-law relocate to Chicago from Arizona. We spent some time over the last Thanksgiving holiday meeting future in-laws while on holiday in South Carolina. We gathered together in support over the past year at graduations and birthdays and funerals.

Family is a powerful thing. We spent time this year having our share of laughter and tears as a family. We get mad occasionally and can piss one another off. We champion each other. We hurt feelings and have to apologize just like when we were kids. We love hard and we crack each other up.

Family always sees the real you, for better or worse. Unlike other relationships with lovers and friends… with family people don’t hold back. It is actually really to easy to take family for granted but just like love, some of the same rules apply. Even love that can be expected should never be taken for granted.

I am fortunate to have family that has been such a blessing to me. They are good to me and will rally around me whenever I need it. When we stand as one next week, to extend generosity and acceptance adding more into la familia, I hope we all feel the same power in the vows. I hope we also remember to strive for our current family members and friends to feel the same love.

I, Dilaun, take thee, to be my newest family members, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, ’til death do us part.

Seems heavy right? But that is the kind of commitment family has. Since you do not get to choose them, it is best to elect to be a blessing regardless. My family has shown me this level of commitment and I truly believe I am a better person because of it.

We are in this together. Love & Family are the principal things.

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The Body Issue

Body image is such an interesting subject right? It is a topic that cannot necessarily be exhausted because there is always a need to be reminded of the importance of positive body image. 

In the time we live in, positive reinforcement on what is actually valuable and important and worth the fuss is as necessary a daily practice as eating, sleeping, working and living in my opinion. It is so important because it exists in every one of those other areas.

Over the weekend, a few things happened that drove this point home for me. This concept of body image and how you can create two sides to the same story is intriguing. The way you view yourself can be empowering and beautiful or quickly become ugly and twisted if you look at the same picture using a different lens.

On Saturday, I joined hundreds of Chicagoans, suburbanites, tourists, lolla-goers and whomever else was in the crowd for a summer workout in Millennium Park.

I always go to the front so I can see what is going on and not have to rely on the people in front of me to know what the instructor might be doing. I typically break a sweat for 3 hours of yoga, pilates and Zumba #backtoback. For Zumba there was a professional guest  photographer snapping up shots of the dynamic, gorgeous, fit dance teacher we had. Well seeing as I was in the front, I was in more shots than I imagined.

Afterwards the photographer came up to show me a few. “Well that one is great but that one…could be deleted. I look ridiculous,” I told him on a few. I gave him my email so he could send me them all to view up close. I was unfairly critical of myself like I often am in photographs then I was like, wait. My goal wasn’t to look great in a photoshoot. My goal was to work my butt off while working out and I did that. Some shots I may look ridiculous but I am proud of the way I look because I was out there working hard.

Saturday was gorgeous but also quite hot so after I worked out, I decided to head straight to the beach. If you want to give yourself a lesson on body image go to a beach. I mean honestly. I love to people-watch anyway. There were thin, big, curvy, old, young people everywhere with all different body types. I love the confidence of people to just be who they are. It can be tough to not compare myself but I remind myself how much better it is for me to love myself as I am, work on whatever I can instead of comparing myself to others. Of course once you get out of your own head, things are back in perspective. I enjoyed myself and stayed at the beach over 5 hours.

Recently UFC Champ, Ronda Rousey made some pretty intense statements about body image for body shamers going after her. I am all for women taking pride in their body back. My body is under my command and no one else’s so no use allowing someone else to dictate when it’s right, perfect, beautiful. It is best to focus energy on getting your mind right.

While on my trip to London in June, I became familiar with such a handy phrase. When that voice saying of doubt, over-analyzing, stress, negativity, self-criticism creeps in about anything. For example a voice inside that my body isn’t alright. It’s too much of this and not enough of that, that voice has to be cut off. Say, “You don’t serve me.” Refocus and keep it moving.

There is nothing wrong with beauty, feeling beautiful, being beautiful and being told you are. As long as it is not everything you live for. It has always been more important to be a genuine, real and fun person who is beautiful because you believe you are and you act accordingly (read humbly).

Another example of taking beauty to another level: I was running late for a show over the weekend so I had to hop in a cab. Towards the end of my ride, the driver says, ‘You’re not like Chicago girls. Pretty girls aren’t usually nice.’ It reminded me of a few years ago I took a trip to Miami and got the same comparison to Miami girls. That is really too bad. Of course, the blanket comparison is not totally accurate but I wish it did not even have to be a statement.

If throughout my life the best thing someone can say about me is I’m beautiful in the asthetic sense only,  i think I’m missing the mark. Beautiful is a fantastic attribute but we can all stand to strive for more.

In Chicago, at the corner of Ashand and Foster, there are these huge ‘You are Beautiful’ signs. I am sure on a tough day those reminders mean the world to someone who just is not feeling it.

In the meantime, I am going to keep working on self-awareness, self-love, self-acceptance because one can never have too much of it. In aha moments like this weekend, I believe I’m winning.

Remind yourself of your greatness by reinforcing your positive body image. Be beautiful/handsome AND make it hold more weight than physical appearance.

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Why So Serious? Lessons from New York

I had the wonderful privilege and honor over the weekend to celebrate my sister who is getting married in just a few weeks. We decided to do a girl’s trip to New York for the Bachelorette party. It was my first time being in the Big Apple. New York was a steady mix of everything I expected and nothing like what I expected.

I learned several important lessons from the Concrete Jungle such as:

1. Be ready to spend loads of money. It’s an expensive town so breathe deeply after the sticker shock to calm yourself then go on living. A New Yorker (former Chicagoan) who moved there recently had this to say when we met up: “Welcome to New York. It’s going to be expensive but you’ll have fun” —–he was right about it all.

2. Taxis and Uber are convienent but walk or ride the subway as often as you can especially if your party is bigger than 2 cab-fuls.

3. Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate. It was so hot and I spent a lot of time dehydrated and trying to catch my body up on water.

The best thing I learned which brings me to my post topic was…Don’t be afraid to have fun.

Friday night we reserved a table at an impressive posh rooftop bar in the meatpacking district.

The space had beautiful views of the city. At first we were a little put of because there are so many layers of security that it feels like you’re applying for a job at TSA. Once we got through that, it was alright.

The bar was full of people throughout the night. We had an area reserved for our group of 10.

The music was great for dancing to but we were the only people actually dancing in the whole place. We also seemed to be the only ones truly enjoying each other’s presence.There were entire groups together and people weren’t even talking to each other. They didn’t look like they were having fun. They looked like they were so bored.

We didn’t care what everyone thought while they stared. We didn’t fly all the way from Chicago to not have the time of our lives. People were sitting in large groups staring at their phones it was ridiculous.

It felt like a similar experience I had in Miami. Connects to VIP in a hot night club and people seemed more concerned about looking cute instead of having a good time. I remember very similar bored faces. Beautiful people in a place created to have a good time and they seemed lifeless.

We had such a fun time dancing and laughing. We were the liveliest bunch there and people were staring in hopes we would acknowledge that’s not how things are done. Towards the end of the night a few strangers joined our group looking to take the pressure off and relax enough to have fun. They did.

Maybe what we saw is not an accurate impression but the differences were largely clear in the moment. If you find yourself in the same kind of situation when you hang out with friends, whether at a club, house party or dinner together, here is a way to get them to have a blast. Maybe everybody just needs to remember life is short so they can ease up a little.

The perfect way to achieve the fun is to create a No phone zone.

I love taking pictures and being in them but in order to really enjoy the company of those I’m with, I became the no phone police. At some point in the night when all the statuses were updated and enough pics were taken, there came a time when I requested we put the phones down completely.

It helped us connect and have a blast. We can all stand to lighten up a little.

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The Greatest Lesson I ever learned about Myself

In high school I took on a bit of an adventurous spirit.  I started to enjoy life in the outdoors even more than I had when I was a kid. I started liking activities like camping. I don’t mean glamour camping. I’m talking sleeping in a tent, backside on the earth, shooting stars blanketing the sky above and all in a land of no plumbing. I came to really enjoy those experiences.

I also have on a couple occasions in my life gone rock climbing. I have done the man-made walls and scaled the side of a few caverns back in the day. It is not something I jump at doing because even just the thought of it is exhausting. Yet I have done it and I remember the first time I did.

Actually, the greatest lesson I have ever learned about myself came from a rock climbing wall.

I was strapped in. Those harnesses can be so uncomfortable but safety is always far more important than comfort or style in certain experiences.

I don’t recall how many feet the wall was but it was tall — looming like Goliath. Getting started was fairly simple though. I had guidance and was enjoying finding the next space to place my hand or stabilize my feet so I could achieve my goal of making it to the top. Oh and I forgot to mention there was an audience.

So there I was putting one foot in front of the other. Everybody was calling my name. Everybody was trying to encourage me. Everybody wanted to cheer me on. People below kept offering their advice. They were telling me I just need to make one more step, put my hand here and my foot there. There were so many voices at once all trying to offer their “help”. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

I was about halfway up when suddenly I freaked out. I was overwhelmed, my head was full of everyone’s voice but my own. Doubt was creeping up and I was losing. All of a sudden I didn’t want to do this anymore. It was too much pressure and no one was letting me think for myself. I couldn’t concentrate on doing what I needed to do and knew I could handle. I got caught up and lost my focus and it felt so hard to regain. But I was halfway there. I couldn’t give up now, right?

Then somebody in the crowd who recognized that I was fully capable of doing it, made a simple statement that changed everything. They said, “Dilaun. Tell us what you need.”

In that split second, I had to determine what I needed from the people who were trying to help me. They meant no harm in their efforts to help but the aggressiveness of their offering help was not actually helpful to me. So they asked me what do you need and I said “Actually I just need everybody to shut up. I got this. I like that you got my back but I don’t need the cheers. I don’t need the clapping. I don’t need the directions. I don’t need the micro-managing. I just need you to trust that I can handle this.”

Lo and behold, once everyone got quiet, I could think and focus and concentrate.  I got to the top of the climbing wall quickly and I rang the bell they had and it was a glorious feeling. I accomplished a major goal because I asked for exactly what I needed. I found power in my voice to say I need something different than what other people who get up here need. My boldness couldn’t come from the energy in the crowd. My boldness had to come from me. I had to create the environment that would allow that. When I first started climbing the wall I had no clue what that experience was going to be like. In order to achieve my goal I had to trust myself and the people around to support me, quietly.

I had just recognized that if I do not speak up for who I am or what I want, other people will tell me what they think I need instead of me telling people what I actually need. That inner clarity comes when I best know who I am.

The lesson carries over into many other pieces and parts of my world. I don’t need to be louder or more competitive. There are people who do that. This world works because there are those who do but there are others who don’t. We need Balance thus I don’t have to apologize for the way I am.

My story is about self-awareness. I am with myself everyday all day long so if I don’t know who I am… if I don’t know myself, I’m in trouble. When I was up on that climbing wall, I could have given up or let people continue offering advice that didn’t serve me or used my voice to show others how they could best help me.

Here are 5 take-aways from my rock climbing experience:

1. Trust your intuition

2. Speak the truth even if your voice shakes

3. Don’t allow other people to tell u what u want or need

4. Be comfortable enough in your own skin to know what u want or need (then ask for it)

5. Don’t apologize for feeling your feelings

What in this post was helpful to you? What would you add?

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Razzle Dazzle ’em: What Kinky Boots taught me about Innovation

I have always wanted to develop something that could be left with this earth as part of my legacy. But what would that be? It has always felt like everything has already been invented. Every leader has their audience and every audience has chosen their master teacher.

But innovation takes a new spin on invention. Innovation takes what already exists and moves it to the next level, giving it new life with your own flavor. Innovation looks at things in a different way.

Innovation looks for opportunity to introduce a new thought or way of doing things that improves products, business, services that already exist.

Think Uber & AirBnB. Both companies took really simple ideas and transformed the way we live and travel.

When it came to writing this blog, I put it off for so long. I kept saying everything to say has already been said. What more can I add to the conversation? But that is kind of the point. I have plenty to add to the conversation because no one can share the stories I have lived. I am here to share them myself. My experiences, my mistakes, my victories, my lessons and my life are all unique enough to matter in the conversation. I love to write and this blog was an important step in figuring out that I want to get to the next step.

So just as my title suggests, I saw the musical Kinky Boots a few days ago. I positively loved the show’s energy. It felt like a grown version of Billy Elliot which I saw just a couple of months ago. Sure Kinky Boots was about shoes instead of ballet but there was still a whole lot of singing, dancing, mending relationships, untangling social issues and men in heels.

The Kinky Boots story is about a man named Charlie Price who inherits his father’s shoe factory. Charlie wants to save the family business and makes an unlikely new friend, Lola who helps him do so. Lola is a cabaret star who helps his new friend Charlie save the business by designing sparkly sensational boots for other men preparing to walk in a Milan runway show. The idea of producing the special shoes were a far-reach from the customer base the factory previously had but with the new idea, they are able to save their future and make a major name for themselves.

It’s a story about finding friendship, inspiration and passion where you least expect. The tagline of the show is that Kinky Boots proves that you change the world when you change your mind. The story of Kinky Boots is at least in part about true innovation.

Innovation is about change, alteration, revolution, upheaval, transformation, metamorphosis and breakthrough.

I can bring my mind, my talents and my passion to changing the way the world does something. I am still figuring out the details on that part but what used to seem impossible seems far more possible now. I am capable of developing something that could be left with this earth as part of my legacy. I look forward to that vision becoming clearer and I look forward to you staying tuned as I do.

What kind of impact do you want to leave on the world? What vision do you have for your life?

Stop sleeping like a baby: 3 ways to relax, rest and recharge

I don’t have kids but the the friends I know with babies say the last thing you can count on is babies sleeping through the night. Some days I am so tired from staying up late night and waking up early mornings I feel like I will never catch up on sleep. It is exhausting. Maybe we should change the idiom to sleep like a teenager. They can sleep through anything.

I currently sleep like a newborn where some nights I wake up at a random hour for no reason. It throws off everything. Don’t get me wrong. I love staying up late with something fun or interesting to do. Real rest is so important though if I want to be able  to stay awake for random late nights.

Have you ever had a problem getting good rest? I want to help you stop sleeping like a baby who wakes up every three hours and start sleeping like the miracle baby who actually rests at night. Here are 3 ways to do it:

1. Shut the screens down. 

No TV on all night. Set the sleep timer or turn the tv off when you start to nod. It’s also hugely important to not let social media be the last thing you look at before bed. Your brain will thank you for limiting the glowing screens. Having a healthier nighttime routine instead like a nice shower or yoga or reading or writing or listening to music can put you in a more peaceful state of mind to let your body and mind rest.

2. Limit the liquids.

No alcohol or caffeine just before bed. Alcohol can make people crash hard into a temporary deep sleep (even a couple beers) but it throws a wrench in a good night’s sleep. As for caffeine, I don’t know about  anyone else but I once had Pepsi just before bed and I was wired. I couldn’t sleep for hours. It was terrible. Once the sugar high wore off and I managed to get a few winks in, I had to be up for the next day with heavy bags under my eyes. I don’t do that anymore. It also is so annoying to wake up in the middle of the night scrambling to pee. Limit liquids like the airport does…no more than 3 oz.

3. Take naps.

Use a sleepytime app which you can download straight to your phone. You can calculate how to maximize your bedtime hours to get great rest. It operates based on what you need for REM sleep. It is typically in 90 minute intervals. I take quick naps whenever I need to. I notice when my body starts slowing down and there’s nothing I can do but take a nap, I need to comply. I find it hard to concentrate on anything else. Our bodies often tell us exactly what it needs. Without proper rest, it is easy for issues like stress, fatigue and moodiness to take over. If your body needs to take a break, give it a break.

It’s important to take care of yourself and your body. Go to bed. You won’t miss much.

What is your bedtime routine? What would you add to this list?

I took the road less traveled now where the **** am I?

Throughout many stages of my life, I was teased a lot for the way I speak. I was told I spoke too proper. I was often accused of ‘not sounding black enough’. I say it was accusations because it made me eventually open my eyes to the ludicrous statement that really makes. How I read that when I was young was “I’m different. I stand out but this is who I am so I just won’t fit in.” How I read it now makes me believe such small mindedness was introduced to box me up. Good thing I hate boxes.  I don’t want to fit in and do only what is expected. Live beyond the stereotype. Once I got older I thought about how those words used to hurt my feelings and was like wait, so I read books and sounded educated so was being smart and sophisticated not acceptable in my community?? Well of course not but that was how I felt. How dare anybody try to tell me that who I am is not enough.

I could launch into how I was raised in tough neighborhoods and even though my family made many sacrifices for me to have opportunities, we struggled at times. I’m grateful for how I was raised and where I come from. Yet It’s unnecessary to launch into those stories because my struggles and triumphs should mean nothing if the reason I am bringing them up is to prove who I am. I’ll pass, thanks.

For me and where I’m from, I made a lot of choices different than the norm. I played golf and made friends with many beautiful diverse human beings and lived abroad and kept choosing less traveled roads.

I accepted myself instead of trying to change who I was. I march to the beat of my own drummer and that’s okay. People can adapt.

I could have forced myself to conform when I was growing up but instead I chose the road less traveled in those days. I chose me over other people’s opinions of who I should be. I have been happy being me ever since. I found empowerment in my voice. I am skilled at knowing what behavior is appropriate in different situations because I have been in all those different situations. Now I hear all the time how people love my voice and how intelligent and mature I sound when I speak. I have been requested as a speaker on many occasions. I did nothing different. It reminds me of a quote by supermodel Iman “I don’t change the way I think; I change the environment.”

Along the way in this life I have taken wrong turns and u-turns but that is the beauty of this life’s journey. The hurtful words I used to hear in my youth don’t serve me. What they taught me was how being uniquely who I am – a beautiful mess at times – was how I would bring impact.

I have been called brave by many people’s definition for the roads I have chosen. To me, I’m just living my life and I’ve got a long way to go in figuring out even more things but I’m glad to live a life that serves me. I have no apology for that.

One of my goals is to poke holes in the boxes we place others/ourselves in. There is no ‘one way’ to speak, dress, travel, work, love or live that dictates who you are or should be. Be You.

It is amazing. I went to the Pride Parade for the first time today and the running theme through much of it was just that — Be You. Tonight I watched the BET Awards and the 3.5 hour show was filled with various entertainers, educators, business people and everything in between. Any award show provides a good examples of those who stand out amongst the crowd as unique. You have something to bring to the table that no one else does. No one has your story. May no one rob you of the confidence to live your story just as you need to.

I heard a young girl say something last week in London that really resonated with me. She said “You’re the person you have to live with your whole life. Make it count.”

So it turns out I know exactly where I am. I am opening up new doors. I am figuring out new paths. I am blazing new trails. There is no formula for life. There is no ‘one way’ to live it either.

Have you ever struggled with being yourself or finding your own voice? How did that impact you?

Life along the Thames River: My first trip to London 

I had the privilege and opportunity to spend some time in England this week. It was my first solo trip to Europe and I was terrified at first. I had this irrational fear it would be like Taken 4: The return of Liam Neeson. Then I went and put my brave boots on and had a brilliant English adventure I will never forget. I am fortunate to have now done something so far outside of my comfort zone. It reinforces I am fully capable of empowering myself to live the life I desire.

Here are 25 tips, observations and lessons I can share now thanks to London:

1. Activate international data plan before day of arrival. Sprint made for a shitty and confusing first day. I could not make any calls or use the Internet (including Google maps — can you imagine?) to figure out things. The silver lining was I lived pre-Google old school and just asked people. Thank God it is an English speaking country and also people are friendly. I found out though many people who live in London have no clue where things are.

2. Fly Virgin Atlantic. The high level of customer experience I received in economy (coach for us regulars) was amazing. Just imagine first class. Truly Virgin was phenom from check-in to landing. I even had to tweet Sir Richard Branson and his staff about it. Thanks again Richie B for giving me life.

3. Mind the Gap between the train and the platform.

4. Heathrow Airport offers 4 FREE hours of wifi. There is no limit on devices. There is no catch. There is not even a password you need to type in. London’s hospitality is off the charts and this is a classic example in its purest form. Where I’m from, there is no such thing as free wifi in airports. Not even 15-30 minutes. Sad in comparison isn’t it?

5. The underground train is not all underground. Barreling through the deep, dark tunnels of London I was expecting this ho-hum florescent light experience. I was miracles only if I wanted to check a site on my phone. Every now and then though we burst through the darkness into the light and it was glorious. Keep some gum handy though while riding the Tube. The speed and pressure makes for intense eardrum plugging.

6. Press the open button to enter and exit DLR trains. The Docklands Light Railway is accessible by the underground Tube but operates differently. If you don’t want to look like a fool and you are the first one on or off the railcar, be sure to press the “Open” button otherwise you won’t be leaving. The doors do not automatically open on these trains so paying attention is key. I struggled to remember the first couple of times.

7. Tap your Oyster Card at the beginning AND end of your trip to be charged the correct amount. I kept forgetting to do so at the end because (mainly on DLR), there is no gate to exit through which serves as a reminder. For a while I thought maybe it operates on the honor system. You could potentially ride and never pay. Station attendants can request a ticket or Oyster card at any time though so not worth the risk. Later I also realized there are penalty charges involved. I think some fees for my forgetfulness ate up the pounds on my card pretty quickly.

8. London is more ethnically & culturally diverse than I expected. It was quite amazing. I saw blacks, whites, christians, muslims, asians, even Asian muslims cycling through life together. My AirBnB host was born in Bulgaria. My amazing airport Uber driver was born in Pakistan but had an English accent after 9 years of residence. I met a multitude of women from different nations at the Trailblazing Leadership conference. There were over 400 women in attendance from all over and I was the only American. It is always really lovely to see the globe represented any place I go.

9. People watching is universal good fun.

10. Google maps tells you what stop to get on and off at but never the direction to travel in. I never knew which side to stand on or which platform to be on. Every time I thought I knew…wrong lol. When in doubt, just ask.

11. Police can be approachable, friendly, helpful and harmless. Novel idea really. I could walk up to any of them and ask a question. They were literally always happy to help. I never had to feel intimidated though I still did a little bit but who can you really trust these days right? :\

12. Having staff at every train station to answer questions from tourists like myself is genius. I am convinced London is the most hospitable and accommodating city I have ever been to. If you look lost, they will ask how they can help you. They genuinely want to do their jobs well. Friendly doesn’t seem to have an expiration date.

13. Use the Thames River as home base. Almost every major viewing point in Central London is a short extension from the Thames. There is a gorgeous riverwalk and easy to find Tube underground lines or buses along the way.

14. The Underground Tube is mostly quiet. No one is asking for money, selling socks or yelling incoherent words & profanity on the platforms or trains. I enjoyed the change of pace.

15. Most of the men & women walking around in the city are in high-class business professional suits. I occasionally felt quite under-dressed. Some women were walking around in classic silhouette dresses with those cute hats we see for English weddings and such. Many men are in really fancy, nice suits. I saw one man with a top hat and coattails like I have only seen in movies. Where do these people work?

16. AirBnB makes traveling solo so much more enjoyable. My host was funny and cool. It reminded me of my days living with a host in Nicaragua. The level of quality care from a stranger really puts humanity in positive perspective.

17. Even when mean, Londoners sound nice. I went to the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace and there were people climbing on the gates so they could see better. The police kept saying, “Please don’t climb the gate. Thank You” and never got crass about it. They could have said, “Please don’t climb the palace gate or I’ll bash your effing head in. Thank you” in that English accent and it would have sounded just as pleasant I imagine.

18. The English accent makes regular sentences sound so full of drama. I enjoy listening to the English speak unless they have the Eliza Doolittle twang

19. Public transit elevators do not have to smell like urine or other abominable human waste.

20. The English love the F-word and I love hearing them say it. Consider it a guilty pleasure.

21. Don’t book an early flight on a Sunday morning. Don’t do it that is unless you’re ready to spend lots on an Uber or express train. I learned public transit doesn’t run as early on Sundays so I was almost stuck but Uber saved my life and got me to Heathrow in plenty of time.

22. Bring shoes that make sense to walk around the city in. A great way to see the city of London is by foot so stay smart and keep the shoes comfy so you can enjoy exploring.

23. The children naturally sound incredibly intelligent because of that English accent. Unless they sound like My Fair Lady. See number 18.

24. My English inspired vocab replacements are as follows: Brilliant! (over awesome), biscuit (over cookie), loo or toilet (over bathroom), rubbish (over trash), bloody, proper, surname (over last name), piss off (over leave me alone), queue (over line) and diversion (over reroute).

25. People are beautiful all around the globe. I was fortunate enough to spend time at a Trailblazing Leadership conference for 2 days with over 400 women. We had great, meaningful conversations about our goals, dreams and fears among other things. It was wonderful to be in a room full of women to both cheer and challenge other women along. I was fortunate enough to develop some good connections out of that. The Internet makes it almost effortless to keep connected with new friends around the world. The important thing is to make the effort. I learned from and shared personal stories with strangers that made us not so strange to each other any more. When we get to the core of things, we’re not so different — you and I. I love when I catch glimpses of the mountaintop Dr. King always spoke about.

I would definitely live there if given the opportunity. Regardless, I will for sure be back to visit. Thanks London for making me feel at home.

Netflix Binging is the New Black: What the Ladies of Litchfield Taught me about Community

Somebody once told me two important truths: Everybody has been hurt. Everybody wants to be loved.

We all want to belong or be loved. Unfortunately, some even chase those who will lie, hurt or manipulate to offer a false sense of acceptance. No matter where you go in the world, people want to belong — even those who claim they prefer to reject everyone. People who reject community have often times been hurt by it in some way.

I actually have no problem being alone. I enjoy it most of the time even though a lot of people do not understand it. That is just part of my personality but the joy I get from doing things solo is satisfying because I know I am part of something bigger. I have a community to go to at any time to recharge that energy I need too.

For those who have decided to opt-out or have yet to opt-in to the cult Netflix following of Orange Is The New Black, here is a quick – no justice given – summary:

The OITNB story all started with Piper Chapman, an upper middle-class female who self-surrendered after being named 2 years short on a statute of limitations for trafficking cash one time for an international drug ring. She was sentenced to 15 months. Chapman leaves her cushy life for an orange jumpsuit, bad food, no privacy and a wild & crazy community of women starting and finishing their own prison sentences in Litchfield.

Season 3 was just released late Thursday as a surprise for OITNB fans who had already planned to binge watch over the weekend when the series dropped on its planned Friday release.

There is a great combo of things that keep this show interesting. There are race issues and life issues and times where the ladies of Litchfield must ALL work together for common goals like the privilege of having a Mother’s Day prison celebration to kick off season 3.

Don’t get me wrong, every season of this show is definitely Rated R but if you can handle it, grab your snacks and go for it. Despite the crude language and scenes of sex and/or violence, it represents a lot of real life emotion.

The ladies look out for each other. They treat each other like family. They also have times where someone in their circle makes them angry enough to seek revenge or ignore them altogether.

We see the complicated and complex situations inside and outside the prison lives that these women deal with. Being ignored, abandoned, abused, used by their parents or lovers or themselves which contributed to their lives falling apart.

We also see those who were loved and supported by those on the outside but led to a life behind bars anyhow. We see how everyone seeks to belong even inside prison which offers them a warped version of community but a way to belong nonetheless.

Without giving anything away, this season dives deeper than ever into the emotional side of these women’s lives. We learn more about the characters former lives and how it impacts their current lives. We start seeing them even more as humans instead of criminals and I appreciate that. On this side of the prison wall, most of us are generally not shanking people or wishing to beat someone with a sock full of quarters like is occasionally a threat on the show. But if we are honest, we have our own ways of either accepting or isolating those around us.

Community is necessary and amazing but it can be messy at times. I am part of a community at work, in my family, with my friends, by living in my city. OITNB shows there is beauty and ugly in community. Characters who would have never spoken are working together and communicating. You may feel it is tough to trust people in this world. I have felt that way at times but am so grateful I have met people I can trust.  Community is everywhere and it cannot be escaped. It will never be perfect but we need community for support, love and accountability. We need people who have our backs and we also need those people to call us out when we lose sight of ourselves.

Would you agree community is important? What have you learned from some of the work, friend, family, life communities that you are part of?

A Tale of Two Cities: What 800 miles apart has taught me about Love

I’m in a long-distance relationship. A lot of people say,“Isn’t that hard?” Well in short, Yes! Ha-ha but not for the reasons people often think. It also isn’t tough every day like many assume. I have discovered so much joy in my long-distance relationship. The joys far outweigh anything else. It has taught me a lot about who I am and what I want in this life as I journey alongside who I want.

Here are 6 things I have learned in love from my long-distance relationship.

1. Every visit is special

Every trip, every flight. When we can spend weeks with each other it’s wonderful but if all we have is 2-3 days, it is just as meaningful. A lot of couples take for granted the simple pleasures like holding hands or grabbing dinner together any night of the week. One of my favorite things in this world is that butterfly feeling when the wheels of our flight touch down in the other person’s city — Universal symbol for Thank God I can use my cell phone again. All the time apart up to that point is forgotten. Grabbing luggage and searching for one another in the airport and finally making eye contact. There is a smile exchange at the exact time everyone else fades away. I know better than anyone goodbyes are hard but worth it when thinking of the butterflies that are eager for the next flight to touch down. Sure, Distance makes the heart grow fonder but when you spend time together, be present.

2. Communication is necessary but not required every second 

We live in different states, rise and sleep in different time zones and lead different lives. And that’s okay! Love doesn’t mean being on the phone all day, every day though it is important to communicate.

In some relationships there is irrational fear that ‘If I’m not in their face every moment or reminding them to think of me, they won’t’. Some of that stems from low self-esteem and if you find yourself feeling this way, maybe that person isn’t for you. A person who loves you will love you whether they see you, hear from you daily or not. They will think of you often even when you don’t realize it.

When your person needs you, be there for them. If something is on your heart or mind, be sure to share it as soon as possible so things that need to be addressed don’t linger. It’s cool to let them know out of the blue that you’re thinking about them. Keep it simple. Love on them then let them go about their day. Both sides open up the chance for your better half to be vulnerable with you too whenever they please. So communicate of course but also give them space to miss you and catch you up on the parts of life you can’t be there for.

3. Support, Communicate Support, Actually be Supportive

When you do text, email, call, skype, visit with each other, the conversations should not be filled with to-dos or demands. Learn their love language and figure out what they need. Sometimes they want you to solve problems, sometimes they want you to just shut up and listen. My guy knows me so well I can’t hide being upset or stressed. I always laugh when he figures me out. Mutual support is everything. My loved one reminds me of my dreams and goals when I get discouraged. I do the same for him because I believe in him that much. We push and pull each other forward and celebrate each other along the way.

4. Trust & Respect the lover you chose

How you love is a reflection of who you are. Honor that.

5. We don’t go to bed angry

Fortunately we don’t argue about much but we are human so we do disagree every now and then. My boyfriend actually came up with this rule and I have grown to really value it. The important thing is to say what needs to be said, get it all out there and then figure it out together. We absolutely do not go to bed angry whether we are next to each other or across the country. This is about learning how to communicate, figure out what’s going on, resolve the misunderstanding and move forward.

6. Our Love is ours

Not our friends, family or community. What I mean by that is while it’s good to hear wisdom and it does not hurt to get advice (even those who provide it unsolicited), do not feel the need to listen to everyone who wants to add input on your relationship. There is also No need to broadcast all the details of your relationship to the world. Some people assume you go through what has been a struggle in their own relationship. Sometimes that does happen which is why it is good to have healthy couples who you can reach out to for advice. Sometimes though it isn’t about you reacting to another couple’s laundry list of issues, but instead you getting together with your love and figuring out your own things together. And if it ain’t broke, don’t break it. If anything is broke though and you need third party assistance, consider relationship counseling.

Sometimes long-distance or any relationship is as hard as you make it. Long distance relationships are not for everyone. It takes strength and dedication. But honestly, in my opinion, the effort it takes to make a long-distance relationship like mine work should be the same effort put into a relationships with someone you see everyday. If my boyfriend and I ever live in the same city, I want the list of things I have learned to still be present, even more so.

My point is the principles  are the same, whatever the distance between you and your love. There are some basic, foundational things that have to exist in a relationship in order to make it work. It has to be true for both sides involved in order for it work. I have married friends who use the hashtag #datingmyhusband or #datingmywife and I love that because it puts intention to not lose the magic and spark.

I love that people know it’s genuine for me and my boyfriend when they see us together. What means even more than that to me is our relationship actually being genuine even when no one is watching. I encourage you to strive for the relationship no one else needs to validate.

Growing together through good news and bad news, smiles and arguments is how love gets stronger between people who sleep 2 feet or 800 miles apart. If we can be on the same page, so can you.

What has your relationship taught you about love?