10 Best Romantic Korean Dramas on Netflix

The first time (in 2021) I spent 16+ hours of my life watching a single KDrama series with friends, I was addicted. I have put in many more “kdrama hours” since, so I had to write this blog post and share a bit of my favorite romantic ones! Which have you seen?


10. Romance is a Bonus Book

Kang Dan-i is a person you want to root for. She is a character kind of like Will Smith was in The Pursuit of Happyness. Dan-i has had a seemingly tough time since the beginning. Divorce, starting over, lacking stability, struggling financially, bullied at work, the list goes on. Good thing for her…she is able to meet her challenges with the support and help of her best guy friend Cha Eun-ho. Eun-ho loves Dan-i and is ready to convince her of his love — even if she keeps sticking him in the friend zone.


9. She Would Never Know


Frustrating “love” story throughout so much of it. I kept saying, Yoon Song-a girl…get it together 😒

Song-a is dating her boss who turns out to have been engaged the whole time. When a co-worker (Chae Hyeon-seung) with a crush on Song-a reveals Song-a was actually the mistress in the affair, surprisingly Song-a doesn’t want to get over her fling as quickly as Hyeon-seung (her coworker) wants her to.

We watch an annoying step & repeat storyline where Song-a does not like Hyeon-seung then she does, and then she leaves him, but then she wants him again.

I added this to the list because Chae Hyeon-seung was a hopeless romantic and you cannot help but cheer for him and his efforts even when his time could be better spent elsewhere.


8. Her Private Life


Art Curator Sung Duk-mi is incredibly talented at her day job. She is also a k-pop artist stalker of sorts; as a hobby.

Meanwhile, her new boss Ryan Gold has a ton of secrets himself. Gold and Duk-mi navigate the awkward parts of working together and maintaining their secrets. They eventually really lean on each other for emotional support as their secrets get revealed.

Living double lives is the name of the game for this drama but it also makes for a cute and quirky romantic comedy. Watching their relationship unfold is bound to keep you really engaged like it did for me!



7. Clean with Passion for Now


It took me a while to get into this one but I am glad I stuck with it. I was glad to see an inclusive story line that includes members of the neurotypical community.

Gil O-sol’s character is simply a mess of a human for the most part. She is usually drunk, clumsy and often very messy; literally. Even though keeping things clean is not a personal strength, O-sol manages to land a professional cleaning job. CEO Jang Seon-gyeol has mysophobia, is extreme in his fear and hate for germs, dirt and anything out of place.

The ‘opposites attract’ angle lays on strong for this one but it works. You start to see both characters round out some of their inflexible areas to meet in the middle and kindle a friendly romance. This drama has a bit of a love triangle too with a mysterious neighbor who has loved O-sol for many years and wants her to return his feelings. Throw in Seon-gyeol’s overbearing, scary father and you have got yourself an all-out drama to keep!

Keep tissues on standby. There is an episode or two in there that may make you cry.


6. Crash Course in Romance


All the math content went right over my head but I really enjoyed the dynamic development of Choi Chi-yeol and Nam Haeng-seon’s stories. Beware there is a creepy supporting character in this drama to keep viewers on their toes. But better news — there is more than one love story at play in this series. I vote that Crash Course in Romance is a keeper!


5. You Are My Spring


I did not expect to like this one as much as I did. I usually do not choose fictional psychological thriller shows with dark elements like murder and suicide. I leave true crime content to my documentary playlist.

This series definitely has some twists that keep it interesting. Darkness aside, the importance of good mental health has a nice platform here. One of the main characters is a therapist.

I will say I thought the love story was a cute one and I could not stop watching! Ju Young-do is protective from the very start and you see that theme throughout. Also worth mentioning — part of what kept me from turning it off after the first drop of blood —- the drama was skillfully portrayed in such a uniquely creative and artistic way. Two thumbs up if you can handle it!



4. Extraordinary Attorney Woo


Woo Young-woo is a young lawyer with Asperger’s Syndrome. While Woo’s bold honesty gets her in trouble sometimes, her approach is so wholesome and she is incredibly intelligent. It is impossible not to like Attorney Woo Young Woo.

Besides Woo Young-Woo, I also fell in love with Lee Jun-ho who is one of the few kind, patient and loving people in Attorney Woo’s corner from the start. Jun-ho wants to woo her so badly (pun intended!) that he will give his time for anything Woo likes, even her whale obsession.

Between the constant crime cases at court, two major competing law firms and a past that circles back for Attorney Woo, you’ll be pressing that ‘Next Episode’ button so fast at the first sight of end credits!



3. Doctor Cha


In a Word…Powerhouse. Cha Jeong-suk (Dr. Cha) starts as a stay at home mom who has been trampled and overlooked by both herself and her family. They all see her mostly as a servant. Cha’s husband is not faithful, her kids order her around, her in-laws think she should be grateful for the lacking life around her because at least the house is nice and her husband pays for things. Cha is a devoted mother and wife but something is missing.

Dr. Cha has a health scare that starts to wake her up to wanting more from the life she has. Despite the naysayers (mostly her family sadly) she decides to make a bold career move at her age and later stage of life. When life gives you lemons girl…

This series explores family relationships, adulting as children grow up, choosing self over unhealthy marriages and finding strength to move forward in life, love and career even after constant setbacks. Circumstances certainly do not always go how Cha thinks they will but sometimes that works out for the best.

As far as romance, Dr. Cha is completely oblivious but a hot new doctor at her hospital definitely tries his best to make her feel seen and heard. It is the kind of care she deserves.



2. King the Land

This is my show! I almost cried because this was a 2 episode weekly release at the beginning. I was literally stalking my Netflix feed for updates.

As for the series — classic guy and girl despising each other at the beginning. Slowly but surely they start to realize they have more in common than they thought. Then they become more endearing of the other and you want them to live happily ever after. Their main character romance helps you forget a lot of the mean, greedy characters in the show which is nice.

Sidekick perk: There is also an adorably goofy and funny assistant to the leading character. To be honest, I would watch a second season with the sidekick as the main man.



1. Crash Landing on You


Crash Landing on You will always be number one for me. Always. I went through every emotion watching this show. I think I fell in love, laughed, cried each time I turned it on. There was so much action and layers to the storyline. It was just that good.

Yoon Se-ri is a famous and successful entrepreneur from a tough and cutthroat family in South Korea. Thanks to terrible tornado weather on an otherwise perfect day… Se-ri ends up across enemy lines in North Korea. There Se-ri has to convince everyone who comes in contact that she is not a spy, including the military men (led by Captain Ri) who are doing everything to protect their own lives by keeping her hidden in plain sight until she can return home to South Korea.

Along comes this corrupt jerk (who shall not be named) that desperately wants to destroy anything in his way to absolute power. That jerk goes after Se-ri and Captain Ri through intimidation, invasions of privacy, assault, etc. Se-ri has nothing to worry about though because the gorgeous Captain Ri has promised to do everything in his power to keep Se-ri safe as long as she stays in his sights. His limits are definitely tested on his promise but he will never give up.

There are a lot more characters and interesting storylines with plenty of mystery, drama and even a few laughs. All in all — ‘Crash Landing on You’ is the love story of a lifetime. I have not met a person yet who does not love this series!




Honorable Mention: *Business Proposal*


Kang Tae-moo has to meet his grandfather’s demands to settle down. He goes on a blind date with a girl. As fate would have it, that girl Shin Ha-ri is pretending to be her best friend because her best friend wanted to ditch the blind date. At dinner, Ha-ri suddenly realizes her blind date is actually her boss. At first, Ha-ri somehow manages to keep her identity a secret but now needs to keep ruse that up.

Later Tae-moo and Ha-ri end up striking a deal to fake a relationship that starts to turn deeper for Tae-moo when he realizes who Ha-ri is by accident and that he actually is developing feelings for her. Ha-ri is also a badass food scientist in the show which is just a cool tidbit. The whole show is quite cute.


I have so many on my watch list but I am always open to more. Any recommendations?

10 Things I Wish I Knew Before My Adult Tonsillectomy (And Other Things I Learned Along the Way)


This blog post is my personal experience. It may be funny, extreme and/or helpful to some. I am not making any attempt to over exaggerate. I actually wish I could say this whole thing was an over exaggeration.

It’s true others may have had very different experiences. Maybe they could talk within 24 hours or had the best sleep of their life after watching comedies and eating ice cream all day. Well, I am not them and that is not my story friends.

I had to write this while it’s fresh so it’s probably not going to sound happy. Sorry but not sorry. I’m writing for the people who want the real version in case they find themselves in such a seat. And also for the people who could use a chuckle because they would NEVER find themselves in such a seat LOL.

This blog post may even come off as complainy which is fine because I am complaining, so that tracks LOL.

Let’s get to it…



1. Age Matters
If only one of the several ENTs and doctors I met annually since 2013 had taken my concerns seriously. Perhaps I would have been enough years younger to have an easier recovery but it took 10 years of advocating for myself.

While I am truly grateful for the medical staff who took care of me and handled my surgery, I am not grateful for the recovery that has been hell in my apparently old age. (My age is indeed why they told me recovery has been such a bear 😒)



2. Fast Procedure, Slow Recovery
I wish the doctor had saved a tonsil or took a picture for me to see. Before I went under I asked if she could save the biggest tonsil stone so I could really see what brought me here. She laughed it off both times so I guess that’s a no.

The last I remember them saying at the hospital was you won’t remember a thing…


After I gave my final wishes to the anesthesiologist team, I was wheeled into a room where I could see nothing but blurs because they had removed my glasses. Some people said some things and next I know, I was waking up in a different room. Almost unsettling how that happens lol!

I threw up night 1 after surgery. To be fair the anesthesiologist said it could happen but there is no way to prepare for that feeling. There was no stopping it and with nothing in my tummy (you have to fast before surgery), there was nothing to give. I just had to let my body go through the motions until I forced myself to calm down. I thought I might have to go to the ER. I could suddenly feel the burnt throat bits. It was the worst. It sucks when you want to cry but can’t because that hurts too. Throat got tight. I didn’t want to sniffle up cry snot. I never had such a major silent protest against everything. Unfortunately, I threw up about 3-4 more times over the first couple weeks.



3. Ice Cream? Yeah Right
It should be said humor and sarcasm are some of my favorite coping mechanisms. I repeat: I did not enjoy this experience at all LOL.

The hospital said I could eat soft foods by day 2. IKYFL!

Everyone who’s like…”You just get a couple days off to enjoy some ice cream.”

…Who are these people!?


Most tried to pacify me with this beforehand. “Oh it won’t be so bad. It’ll be worth it. Ice cream and popsicles all day sounds like a dream.”

What they forgot was, I don’t even like ice cream or popsicles that much.

You fail to realize how much you involuntarily swallow your spit in a day or adjust your throat to breathe. Next time you notice it, think about if it hurt every single time you did that. So honestly, when I thought about minimizing mucus…the last thing I wanted was vanilla ice cream draping my throat and causing me to gag. Ewww

I’d rather have a burger and fries or yummy pizza but those were totally not possible. My diet for the first two weeks was primarily small sips of water. I will be posting another blog after this to share what I actually ate and drank post surgery. While this absolutely should not be used as a diet plan, I actually lost 12 lbs by Day 13 post surgery. I hadn’t been that small since pre-pandemic.



4. Say What You Need To Say…Beforehand
I’m grateful for my niece who from the beginning was like you’re going to hate it and it’s going to be terrible. It didn’t make me feel better by any stretch but at least it was honest. Then she gave practical tips like using ice packs on my throat and that changed my life.

I was giving The Little Mermaid vibes when Ariel can’t speak!


And I’m an introvert. I don’t even like general talking like that. But when you take away a simple freedom like speaking, boy it feels like it’s never coming back. I could not open my mouth enough to get words out and it hurt too much to try. The first week was a lot of unofficial sign language, grunts and written notes. I learned pretty quickly to keep things concise!


5. Time is a Social Construct
At some point I completely lost track of time. I started tracking my days in how long ago I took my last pain med dosage. Is it giving narcos yet?




6. Your Intestines May Struggle
⚠️This part is gross. A complete TMI and possible overshare so if you’re squeamish about bodily functions, skip this paragraph. Final warning ⚠️

I am not saying I could win an award for the state of my digestive tract but I was regular enough previously. It’s one of the few things I can admire about my internal system.

Let’s just say…I had surgery on a Monday. In 21 days I pooped 2 times. Now that’s some scary sh*t.

Mind you I hadn’t eaten my regular diet of trans fats and sugar but still. I thought the couple spoonfuls of yogurt, the tiny half mashed sweet potato and other small, sad snacks I pushed past my swollen throat would lead to something! It did not. They say this is what those really strong hospital meds can do to you. And taking laxatives while on a medication that makes you sleepy several times a day. God… please forbid the two experiences ever meeting 🙏🏽

⚠️ Trigger warning complete. Welcome Back! ⚠️



7. Stay Hydrated!
I found out I can manage without eating since I physically couldn’t. Even when it hurt like hell, I still did my best to drink water – still, sparkling or coconut, whatever worked. I tried gatorade because it was on the after care list but it honestly dehydrated me and made the pain more prominent. I also noticed a new unbelievable nerve pain — tracing from my jaw to my throat to my ear — that would stop me in my tracks and make me press ice immediately to my face until it relaxed.

The reason why I personally forced myself to sip water even when I felt extreme pain was because the medical folks said staying hydrated was a way to keep the pain from getting worse and it speeds up recovery. If they would not have told me that, I prob wouldn’t have bothered with those tiny sips every few mins. Instead I like to think it saved me from worse so sip your water!



8. No Rest For the Weary
Sleeping and waking from sleep were the saddest moments of the day. Mostly because there was no sleep for at least 3 weeks. Waking from closed eyes and realizing my attempt to sleep upright were thwarted by my large head which does not like upright sleep. Usually my head was too far back or too far down on my chest and any attempt to move it was met by severe and extreme pain either in my ears or throat or both.

If by day 2 they would have given me the option to safely go in a coma where I could stay hydrated and fed then come out healed up, I would have taken it. I don’t mean that lightly.


I was on Google daily researching. I thought maybe I missed a tip because no one was talking about these conditions enough. They said sleep propped on pillows for the first 3-4 days but then what? Because the propping didn’t work for me. Was I missing an instructions page because they sent me home to recover for at least 3-4 weeks, not days. I need more information!!

Also, most articles out there are written for toddlers. Apparently tonsillectomies are a rare footnote in the adulting handbook. I think that’s part of why I decided to write this blog. Maybe it will help someone else who’s desperate for more information!

For example, have you ever eaten a sour candy and your throat just tightens to a crease? Maybe I’m describing it wrong but you know that sensation I mean. That started around Day 5-6 and would often lead to silent tears. I couldn’t find any info to help me so I just powered through as best I could. Everytime we spoke to my doctor they said everything was normal. Maybe somebody else can comment on something they know about it.



Lessons in patience. I’m telling you.


9. Fill the Gaps with People Who Care

Most people don’t really want to hear about your pain. They want to hear about your progress.

Thank those who hold space for you to not be 100%…to still not be okay even after days of check-ins. Those are the people you need, especially at the beginning. People who haven’t experienced this surgery and recovery probably won’t fully understand what you’re going through. Empathy and patience is important long before people wonder when you’ll get back to normal life.

I was really struggling at times. I didn’t want to pretend I was ok when I truly wasn’t. And things were moving slower than expected which sucked. Having people be with you in that in between…when you have to rely on others and may be at your most vulnerable…is some deep love.


Here are some of my Thank Yous:

Thank you sister who picked us up from the hospital after surgery and made sure we got home safely. Also thank you for my glittery crocs that made surgery day and every day since so much more comfortable to walk and lounge as needed. They became my favorite comfort shoes on the journey to getting better.

Thank you to my sisters, parents, niece, nephew who checked on me daily, gave me advice and encouragement, sent outside world pictures and awesome netflix recommendations.

Thank you friends and loved ones for your check-ins and messages and food gift cards ❤️. I am loved beyond measure and that means more than you know but I hope you know!

Thank you medical team. I literally saw so many people there’s no way I could remember everyone but I met a lot of nice and helpful people. Other than the follow up appointments where I hope most of this will continue to be forgotten by, I wish you all well and hope we never have to meet again on this subject LOL.

Thank you to my significant other who has the patient of a saint. From surgery day and every day since he has been my caretaker at home. He had to put up with me and my burnt smelling throat whenever I tried to speak though I mostly had to text since I couldn’t open my mouth. He hunted down a pharmacy that could fill my pain med prescription since my regular pharmacy doesn’t stock hospital narcotics. He switched out my ice cups, waters, ice packs, pillows, rubbed my back every time I threw up (even at 3am), refilled my humidifier umpteen times, made me baby sized meals of whatever I asked for so I could try eating, tracked my progress, handled my phone calls, held my hands, wiped my tears, encouraged me, prayed for me and loved me so well. I know you hate when I’m hurt and you can’t just fix it…🥹 You are a king among men.



10. A Journey of Ups and Downs
After a few weeks, I commandered (is that even the word??) a breakthrough day where we took a walk outside in fresh air and bright sunshine. It felt like the kind of progress I needed. I realize it sounds dramatic but I didn’t know when it would come.

I still have trouble sleeping at night. I wake up several times to re-adjust my head, clear my throat, drink my san pelly. I still can’t say more than a few sentences without needing to take a break. My throat and neck still ache. I drink water all day long and never feel like my thirst is quenched. It’s not a simple bounce back.


The journey to recovery is not over but I am grateful at whatever day I have arrived to.
Thank for you reading my story. Oh and please wait at least 6-12 months before asking me if it was worth it 🫶🏾


PS. I think this would be a fascinating animated experience. I want to write a illustrated book lol! Who knows an illustrator?

PPS. I tried to cover most everything I experienced but may have missed something. If you are going to have a throat surgery or are in recovery now and have questions like I did, please let me know! I’d like to help anyone I can by sharing my experience. If you went through this operation or something similar, what would you add from your experience?

#tonsillectomy #adulttonsillectomy
#surgeryafter30 #surgery #postsurgery #blog #adultsurgery #tonsillectomyafter35 #surgeryafter35 #health #healthcare #lifeuntangled #ENT

New York, New York

A week ago (boy time flies!) I had the delightful privilege and honor to stand before a room of my peers in the workforce development sector. I was invited to New York City to join JobsFirstNYC as a guest speaker for a group of seven organizations who focus mostly on helping young adults, who are out of school/work, build workplace skills and find quality employment.

These orgs are doing really powerful work so I’ll link them below. You have to check them out!

Anyhow, so when I got the invite to be flown in from Chicago and have my hotel taken care of in Manhattan hunni, I was like, “girl, yes!”

Sidenote: You never know who’s watching you and taking notes. You never know when – who you are might open doors you hadn’t considered.

This moment has been in the making since April 2017 and I didn’t even realize it. In early 2017, I gave a speech in Chicago about employer engagement, strategies to building and maintaining relationships and overall success driver best practices for doing good work, tracking good work and using data to make sound business decisions. I was introduced to a consultant, Marty, during that meeting.

In 2017 I got a call from Marty with a request to talk to some individuals from New York over the phone. We had a great conversation about emplyer engagement and data.

Several months later, I recieved a request to do an event for New York. They offered a phone or live video conference for me to present. Unfortunately my schedule was insane so it didn’t work out.

Fast forward to April 2018, I was contacted by that same consultant friend, this time with an offer to visit New York and it worked in my schedule!

Taking a Water Taxi past the Brooklyn Bridge

The whole event was amazing. There was a lot of community learning happening as organizations shared with me and each other. There were great takeaways and action planning. This learning community takes times on a regular basis to meet and share their wins and losses, lessons and challanges. Instead of being competitive, they intentionally choose to collaborate. It’s inspiring, not only in our work but in our world.

At the event, I used my time to give an overview of my work, my team, describe our culture of metrics/data and share strategies for strengthening key internal/external feedback loops. I wanted to learn too and in addition to answering questions throughout the day to help as much as possible, I also took notes on ideas a few in the group offered me because who wouldn’t hear of an idea that could increase productivity and efficiency then do nothing!?

Action Planning Session

PS. If you’re not familiar with the work I do, here’s your chance to learn a bit more about Cara Chicago.

Walking through Cara’s Service Delivery Model

This space of helping individuals with barriers to employment, not only get back to work but thrive and walk with them as they transform their lives is such vital work. To sit in a room across the country and experience the synergy between my work and theirs was encouraging! I hope my insight will indeed help some individuals who sat in that room, along in their personal and professional journeys.

View of Lower Manhattan from Water Taxi

Outside of this really stellar part of my trip, I also had a few hours each day to explore New York City and boy did I! I walked all over town through Midtown and Brooklyn, Chinatown and Little Italy, Soho and Tribeca, Hell’s Kitchen and Lower Manhattan to name a few. My little legs were tired from all the walking but so worth it. And I saw crazy things, ate good food and had fun along the way!

Brooklyn Bridge

Manhattan Bridge

I already have a list of places to visit for next time. I look forward to more opportunities like this, more speaking engagements (I had a blast) and more cities to explore.

Thanks New York!

Organization list/links as promised:

Madison Strategies Group– connects individuals with quality employment, maximizing their unique talents to achieve advancement and independence.

Seedco –national nonprofit organization that advances economic opportunity for people, businesses and communities in need.

Cypress Hills Local Development Corporation – partners with transportation and culinary employers to offer credentialing options for young people leading to a career pathway.

Green City Force – with partners Con Edison, C+C Apartment Management, and NYCHA’s REES focus on career pathways in the sustainability sector.

The Knowledge House – partnering on the Bronx Digital Pipeline with Hostos Community College and Per Scholas, developing pathways into cutting edge technology jobs by mobilizing pipeline partners who contribute to the Bronx tech ecosystem.

Roundabout Theatre Company in partnership with the IATSE union and The Door provide training and job placement for young people interested in technical theatre careers.

Stanley Isaacs Neighborhood Center partners with employers to train for careers in hospitality and food service. Isaacs Center also offers trainings in community health and education and child development.

Where Did All The Wisdom Go?

This week I’m in and out of sleep, taking pain meds every few hours, essentially on a diet of yogurt, broth, applesauce and ice cream thanks to an experience Monday that I just had to tell you about.

For the past few weeks, dare I say months (I know), I’ve been desperately trying to avoid dealing with pain around my wisdom teeth, swollen gums, the whole bit. I actually was encouraged by a dentist two years ago to get them removed and I thought, nah I can power through the pain.

When the more recent pain started I thought it had something to do with medication I was taking or perhaps the weather or perhaps some other random reason. Whatever the reason, it kept me in denial about actually going to a dentist to address the issue. It was part fear, part financial because who wants to drop hundreds of dollars (after insurance) for little more than 1 hour of work, part who has the time to deal with surgery and recovery and part a laissez-faire attitude about the whole thing.

Thanks to a loving but stern talk with my mother last week I booked an appointment that night for the next day. I went to see a dentist and ultimately got a chance to consult with an oral surgeon which led to a decision that I needed to get all four wisdom teeth removed from my face at the earliest — May 21.

I was so nervous leading up to it, had tons of anxiety and was so glad that my boyfriend could be there with me. I was taken back to the room and told that they were going to start the laughing gas pretty soon because of course if I’m going to have teeth pulled by the root I need to not feel anything and I mean that! This was my first surgery and first time having anesthesia that was so strong and what an experience that was!!

I didn’t think the nitrous oxide would have such an effect but I knew it had taken hold when the surgeon walked in to ask if I was ready to go and instead of using my words, I just could not stop laughing.

Pinterest

Actually, several times throughout the surgery I burst out laughing because of random things I was thinking about like my boyfriend’s face if he walked in and saw my face looking like a balloon. I was also laughing at the surgeon a little bit whether he knew it or not because he had a tough time with some of the teeth that were really in there. Afterwards he told me that my roots really liked me because he had to work hard to get those teeth out.

I was so glad to have laughing gas but boy coming down off that stuff is a real drag lol.

Popsugar

Of course, Beyonce and Drake got me through the first half of the surgery and I was so grateful but my Google Play app did not repeat the playlist that I had started so about halfway through the surgery my music was gone and of course I’m far too loopy to figure out how to unlock my phone. So I had to just listen to everything. All of the drilling, the talking, the root pulling and I’m way more conscious of what’s happening. It sucked.

The first half at least I was humming and singing a little bit. I’m sure it sounded crazy to them because I had a mask over my face, a bunch of tools in my mouth and occasionally let out wild hyena cackles but in my head I could have been on tour.

I thought that I would have been sleep the entire time so I was a little surprised when most of the time I was awake. I was able to look around. I knew what was kind of happening but there was a time or two when I let the gas take over and I could not keep my eyes awake. I realize that must have been tough for them because they gave me instructions to hold my head still, keep my chin up. In my head I was thinking I’ve got to stay in this to help the doctor and in reality my body just was going to do whatever it was going to do and sometimes I just went limp.

When the surgery was over my bottom lip felt HUGE like that scene in The Nutty Professor where Eddie Murphy is fighting between the skinny and fat version of himself.

I asked them if I could keep the teeth to remind myself of this experience. They could only give me one because the others had to be drilled and chipped into a million pieces.

I remember last week when I first went into their office and they gave me some post-op instructions to review before I came back. They said that I should be able to leave out after surgery on my own if I didn’t have somebody to be with me. Fast forward to surgery day when I woke up from the anesthesia and it was time for me to get out of the chair and leave all I could think was, “How the hell could somebody walk out of here after something like that on their own and be okay?” My boyfriend was the real MVP and has been since.

I felt very Michael Jackson trial or post hollywood cosmetic surgery walking out. Adrian got me a mouth cover to put on. You know, those things that people wear in public sometimes at the airport when they don’t want to share germs? I had my coat on zipped up, my hood on, sunglasses on even though it was raining.

Something very valuable that I learned and would tell anyone now is that I should have taken that next pain pill earlier than they told me to because the timing of when the anesthesia wore off and the pain started to set in….babyyyy…. it was Unreal. I stayed and have remained staying in one place as often as possible — Changing mouth gauze every 30 to 60 minutes, spitting out lots of blood and my face is the size of Canada. My home is a series of alarms going off every so often to remind me of another pill to take or another dressing to change or just to eat.

I’m grateful for the thoughts and prayers and well wishes. I was given a long list of risks prior to this surgery and I was an increased risk for a few reasons. I’m so glad things went as smoothly as I prayed for. Recovery has been a bear but I’ll be better eventually. Keeping some sense of humor is helping me through the moments of crying because of the pain or laying on the bathroom floor because of the nausea caused by the meds. Once I can eat a burger and fries, I never want yogurt again lol.

My parents and nephew came to visit which is just the sweetest. I’ll spend the weekend with my family. I had to tell them there was nothing to worry about. I’ve been in very good hands. My boyfriend has done just a phenomenal job of taking care of me. He has been so kind, patient, keeping me in good spirits. I looked up at him today with jaws full of gauze and the inability to open my mouth very wide because of the pain and swelling and called him my true love then laughed because I clearly looked a mess. He obviously understood none of it but he replied oh yeah of course.

Play Buzz

So the road to recovery I’m on continues and it’s painful but I’m glad I’ll never have to do this again. Seriously…

Forget wisdom I’ll keep whatever is left.

No is a Complete Sentence 

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing by yourself?”

I have spent many times at bars or restaurants alone watching NFL, NHL, NBA or MLB games to name a few. It has never really bothered me to be alone in public places. I quite enjoy it sometimes as I often look around to see people with friends yet all parties are staring straight into their phone, not enjoying one another’s company at all. Though I don’t mind being alone, I have unfortunately found however that in some instances when I am not with my boyfriend, my experience is very different and sometimes it’s exhausting. I often time get approached with opening lines like, “What’s a pretty girl like you doing by yourself?” To which I respond, “Having a beer and watching the game just like you came here to do by yourself.” No thanks, I’m not interested.

flagshipphoto.com

Consider this a PSA — Women are capable of being out and about unaccompanied. Gentlemen, don’t make it about you and what you think is the story. We’re not desperate to pick you just because we arrived without a man.

*

I remember when I lived in Managua, the capital city of Nicaragua. A country I have come to love very much for its beauty and many of the beautiful souls I met there. The violence and unrest of late is particularly devastating to a country that has forever been in a state of rebuild from decades of both natural and man-made destruction.

Anyhow, while I lived there, I studied. The center where I took classes was on a long, dusty road tucked behind homes and trees and even a soccer field. Around one bend in the road on that journey was often a large group of men who would sit for hours, waiting for trucks to swing by in need of day laborers. Some days no one came by so they sat all day. When you could take a taxi past, you could hear the whistles and catcalls once they recognized a woman was around. When I would walk by with other girls, the catcalls grew louder. They never were physically threatening just harrassing from a far. We ignored them, never looked in their direction to show we were clearly not interested in their advances but it didn’t matter for they would call out anyway.

I remember one day I finished with my classes early and had nothing else to work on. I wanted to leave early but I had no one to walk with or ride with. It would be hours before anyone else left for the day. All I could think of was walking past that group of men. I went back and forth in my head then decided to leave since it was the middle of the day. I said a little prayer and went on my way. As I approached the corner, I braced myself for the whistles and yelling but heard nothing. On that day, maybe they all found work or it was far too warm to hang but no one was there so I didn’t have to walk that uncomfortable looong walk past the whole group of them! I whispered a “Thank you God” and continued on my way. Later on that road (it was at least a mile or two), after mostly quiet I walked past a group of homes and heard a whoop to get my attention. Because it had been so quiet on my walk it startled me so I looked up which only increased the whistles. I never saw anyone which I’m grateful for but it made me realize it was a dumb decision I had made. It was unfair that I had to feel that way but it was reality. I was living in a foreign place, a temporary home where I was still learning the language and though I had said goodbye at the center before I left, no one truly knew where I was. I didn’t have a smartphone or gps tracking. In the end, though I know it was God who kept me safe, it wasn’t my best decision to test God’s protection in the first place. I never did it again.

*

Over the weekend I was helping at an event at McCormick Place. There was at least one instance I clearly recall where I was like, come on. I was working with a group and one of the girls was my buddy for the day. We clicked and spent much of the day sharing about our lives and praying for time to move quickly. During one of our event breaks, another man we were working alongside started hitting on her. He pulled her aside and asked if she was married and when she said no, his response was, “So you’re interested?” To which she told him she was not interested in him. She was in a relationship and even if she wasn’t, being single is not an auto-invitation to make someone uncomfortable. This man was also twice her age so it caught her completely off guard since she had been as nice to him as she had with everyone, making conversation since we were with each other for 13 hours.

Do you sense a theme here?

These are just instances of people using their words to make someone uncomfortable. It’s also awful for those in this world where harrassment goes beyond words and turns physical.

I was having this conversation with a guy friend of mine the other day over brunch. We were discussing some of the big stories and names that have caught the attention of the public over the past few years. We agreed that it is terribly sad how engrained victim blaming is in society. Harrassers and criminals can repeat harrassment and crimes like assault with little to no fear for retribution when women are involved.

In some of the most famous headlines when there are multiple women telling their story of sharing the same experience, they are called liars or whores or gold diggers or reputation ruiners. They are questioned about what took them so long to speak up. People put timeframes on someone else’s pain and experience. How unfair and unkind to ask someone to hurry up and get over it already.

When a person goes through any harrassment, assualt or trauma, they are likely to process or recover or grieve in a number of ways but the timing of that is their own. There are people who take decades to speak out and acknowledge trauma that happened to them as little kids. In our society, as adult women get harrassed over and over, the world just gets used to it. The stories are so commonplace, it’s ridiculous. Women are told to take it as a compliment or not get so sensitive. Women have actually been killed by strangers for saying they weren’t interested.

Ever seen the videos of the woman who secretly filmed how many times she gets harrassed on the street by men in a day? Part of the #MeToo movement is about individuals declaring how commonplace the experience is.

When individuals who don’t believe it, ignore the victim’s pain or truth after they have relived that trauma by speaking their truth to power, it reinforces the negative beliefs they may have been told by their abusers or the shame they have settled in themselves. Victim blaming damns the victim for wanting to be free.

And the shame placed on women makes the environment that much more uncomfortable for men to come forward about their own experiences with trauma, assault or harrassment. No means no and that statement is not gender specific.

No is a complete sentence. If you don’t like it, you can piss off.

I felt compelled to write this post because I too think our world has room to change. I have a zillion examples of things like this from family, friends, myself and so on. From something as simple as unwanted flirting or advances (no doesn’t mean try harder) to physical attacks, actions have consequences and No means No.

It doesn’t matter how late or early in the day it is. I don’t give a shit what she had on or what signals she might have been giving. People need to keep their hands to themselves in the absence of mutual consent. And yes I believe consent can be revoked at any time if one party feels uncomfortable.

One day in the future I also want to write a blog with this title thats not about the topic of harrassment or assualt but how No is a complete sentence in the workplace or your personal life. You can say No (without explaining yourself all the time) and keep your peace and sanity. Saying No should not make you feel guilty when you’re being asked to meet unrealistic demands or just don’t want to do something.

A Flight of Gratitude

Here is a post I drafted last August and didn’t finish until now…

On a (not so anymore lol) recent flight I took, I sat in a row of three seats with a Marine and Navy man, two young retired U.S servicemen, not much older than me. They didn’t know each and I didn’t know them but boy was I honored for the experience.

Man did I hear some powerful stories.

This BETTER NOT be news to you but there are very real humans fighting and serving all over the world.

I know many men and women on active duty and many veterans. It is a unique role to be in and a special position to take on for those who join the military. My dad is a veteran, honored to have served and I love him dearly for it.

Back in my window seat, I heard many of their graphic stories – one a more animated storyteller than the other.

I heard of an experience in Fallujah —
A guy shot in the head and a bullet ricocheted off his helmet and left a dent this soldier could put his hand in. I was shocked by how casually he spoke about it. Obviously I know nothing of the front lines of war. I have watched my share of documentaries, read my share of personal stories and heard my share of experiences from individuals all over the world. I remain in awe every time still.

Something else very fascinating they mentioned in agreement which I had never heard… When people say “Thank you for your service” or “I appreciate your service,” while those words never go unappreciated, they said… when they come from someone who hasn’t been on a battlefield, they can’t really know. They don’t really know what it takes. What it’s like.

That struck me. I, for one, have never been on an active battefield.

I happen to believe things happen for a reason. Of all the flights, of all the seats I landed there and so did these guys. As I said before, they did not know one another. They had different ethnic backgrounds, different religions, different experiences. Neither wore a uniform. But they recognized something in each other and spent the entire flight sharing with one another about it.

To them it was special because though different military branches, they each have a level of understanding that I for one will never have even though I fully support the men and women who give of their time and lives to do what they do.

These men talked about their lives now, the struggles they face, the PTSD and how they survive millions of miles away from the battlefield. One, encouraged the other through his faith. The other, resistant but respectful while hearing what worked well for his new friend.

Though I don’t stand in their shoes and I haven’t seen or done what they have firsthand, I am grateful for them anyhow. I am thankful and grateful beyond holidays that remind us to remember to have gratitude and show care or kindness. I am glad I chose that seat near the rear of the plane, for I will forever remember that experience.

Finally a request to any employer… hire veterans. A request to regular citizens… remember to treat all veterans and our servicemen and servicewomen with respect both when they return home and while they serve. It breaks my whole heart that there are people who served and don’t have proper access to healthcare, housing, food, mental health services and many other resources or support they may truly need. I hope that changes in my lifetime.

I personally don’t care much for war but that doesn’t stop war from happening so while I pray more that true peace can exist worldwide, I will do another thing that feels like my part. I have and will continue to fully support the people who honor the role, the duty and our country with their sacrifice.

Happy International Women’s Day

It feel like just yesterday I was in the middle of Women’s History Month, getting all the feels about this day.

On a day like today when I was beating my latest winter cold with meds and tea and sleep, I also couldn’t help but take a minute to reflect on the women in my life who I honor on a day like today.

I have a mother who is full of strength and wisdom. Most of which I see unfold all the time in my adult life. When I was a kid I didn’t always see it very clearly even though it was always there. Thankfully moms don’t give up. She had so much to teach snd I had so much to learn. I have gained so much from my mom and I am ever grateful.

I have learned great lessons and life tips from my sisters and girl friends and family members like aunts and cousins…Women full of knowledge and experience, willing to open up about the ups and down so they can teach someone else like me.

I have also learned a great deal from my mentors. I have a few very dear women in my life who have been gold in my life both personally and professionally.

Like the other women in my life, they are powerhouses! They encourage me, motivate and inspire me. They remind me where to find the light if or when I’ve lost the way. They allow me to unload when the professional pressures build too high and still challenge me to keep moving forward in a loving and caring way. They help me unpack the truths I already know and give me the push I need whenever I need. I am so grateful.

“Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.”

by Maya Angelou

Thank you to all of you brave and phenomenal women for being who you are!

Then They Came For Me

Free and open to the public until November 19th is a very honest, powerful, yet heartbreaking exhibit at the Alphawood Gallery in Chicago. You must see it if you can. Then They Came For Me is about the incarceration of Japanese Americans during World War II and the demise of civil liberties.

I went to go check out this exhibit finally over the weekend. I’ve gone past the building a few times and was struck by how they decorated the outside. How will you stand up to injustice?…giant posters ask as you go by. I’ve done my research in the past about Japanese internment camp incarceration so when the exhibit popped up I had to go see it. 

Then They Came For Me takes a look at a very difficult and painful part of United States history when the government forced over 100,000 American citizens and permanent residents out of their homes and put them into internment/relocation/concentration camps. because they were Japanese-Americans. This happened immediately after the bombing of Pearl Harbor in 1941. 

The exhibit is wonderfully done with a number of life-size photos, artifacts and videos depicting the experience. They show what led up to that point in history, the experience of the people who suffered through that time and how that impacted their families for generations. 

Many “friends” and neighbors completely turned their backs on these Japanese Americans because of demeaning propaganda. They were treated like enemy spies even though there was no truth or proof or due process or charge or trial or sentence, just fear and hate driving policy that led to the infamous Executive Order 9066.

When the camps closed in years after the war, these families returned to racism, little hope and no opportunity. They were treated as outsiders, foreign enemies even though they were born in America, were Americans and called this country their home because it was their home. 

There was an interesting statement during a film in the exhibit that said there were 18 people arrested as spies in connection to the bombing but none of them were of Japanese ancestry. These citizens deserved the same human rights, civil liberties, respect and dignity of anyone else and they were denied all of it.

The exhibit also makes parallels between that experience and present day rhetoric and policy proposals driven by a culture of fear around Muslims in America, for many citizens and permanent residents who love their country and are loyal to a home that still treats them with on-going suspicion since 9/11. 

Decisions, laws, bills and executive orders seeking to make it legal to discriminate against people because of their religion or what they look like or the color of their skin or what they wear and using war and crime as the catalyst and propaganda to turn against anyone who looks like they could fall into that category. People in and outside their communities become black sheep, isolated, condemned, harrassed and the list goes on.  

Obviously we’ve seen this kind of hate and intolerance bubble up over and over again with many communities including the African-American community, the Latino-American community, other Asian-American communities and so on. Many people who are made to feel or believe that they don’t belong in a country that is theirs. 

For example, I was in a bar watching football a couple months ago and when the national anthem came on and a few players on the telly protested, a man in the bar began yelling, “Go back to your own country” and “If you don’t like it then leave” and other inappropriate comments which at the time I was thinking for a person who is trying to make a statement about disrespecting the flag and anthem, he sure was showing disrespect to both in that moment. I also thought to myself, this is their country so maybe if you don’t like it, then you can leave.  I’ve got stories like this for days and not just since the 2016 election.

It’s obviously very upsetting that these stories continue to happen. There is a saying that if we don’t know our history we are doomed to repeat it. Some days it feels as though we know our history well and still choose to repeat it, meaning that we don’t often learn from it. We don’t extrapolate the lessons that could make us not circle back to those same experiences. We can all use a dash more self-awareness, love, empathy and speaking up when injustice happens. Even you can be an agent of change.

If you can get to the Alphawood Gallery and see this exhibit before November 19, I would absolutely recommend it! 

Many of the photos and artifacts come from Dorothea Lange and Ansel Adams who were photographers sent by the government to the document what was happening. There is also a daily screening of a film called “And Then They Came For Us,” created by Abby Ginsburg and Ken Schneider. The documentary is shown at the top of every hour.

Star Trek’s George Takei, a big advocate for human rights and civil liberties shares a lot in the exhibition because his family went through living in those camps, feeling betrayed and humiliated as they spent years behind barbed wire with armed guards from a watchtower.  He did a TEDTalk on it as well. 

Like I said before…honest, powerful, yet heartbreaking. 

26.2 Miles of Commitment

So hard to believe it’s already been a week since the 2017 Bank of America Chicago Marathon where 45,000 people from across the world raced through the streets in the city of neighborhoods. 

Part of the route runs through my own neighborhood. This year I was nestled between miles 6 and 9 to the East and West. I had a few friends in the race this year who I could track progress for along the way. I saw several others I knew and could cheer on during that beautiful fall Sunday.

Whenever I watch big marathons or parades or large scale celebrations with participants from all walks of life, I get so emotional. There’s something about the power of community that gets me in my feelings. I shed a few tears of joy as my boyfriend and I stood and clapped for both strangers and friends.

I was watching people in the midst of accomplishing something major…26.2 miles worth of sweat, grit, self-talk, joy, pain, victory. A metaphor for life like no other. Alongside other spectators, I spent much of my time cheering along and encouraging people I didn’t even know. 

There were people of all ages, fitness levels, races, religions, genders, etc but we were all there to rally around the same cause. We all wanted to see people accomplish some variation of the same goal — to finish and to do so safely. 

It was a beautiful day and so many accomplished goals. My favorite part was feeling part of one positive community and I hope for more of that in my town and yours. 

Hosting my first Wine Tasting Party

Over the past few years, I developed more interest in wine. Visited some good wineries out of state, tried my share of great varieties, subscribed to Wine Spectator magazine and recently attended a local wine & sweets stroll event checking out cool neighborhood wine stores and restaurants. After that last event, I was like, I could totally do this. I really want to do this so I had this is great idea to host my own wine tasting party. 

Of course, Pinterest is always a fun place for me to start gathering visuals on my ideas. I start there then make ideas into my own style. These are all pics from my party. Hope you enjoy and use some ideas to host your own! 

I decided to host a blind tasting. I chose 6 whites and 6 reds. I put together an Evite, shared with a few people in my family and had the absolute best time. My boyfriend was instrumental in helping me not only plan the event but executing on the vision and it was amazing, even better than I hoped for! We make the best team.

I covered every bottle’s label and ordered them so we would taste from white to red, light and delicate to dark and rich. I wanted people to just rely on their intial thoughts and impressions when sniffing and tasting. I didn’t want people to make assumptions based on labels. People were stumped and surprised and had a lot of fun in the process!

When people arrived, I started them off with a Mango white wine. Everyone got a small tasting glass of their own to use then take home. I made the bottoms with chalkboard paint and had people write their names with a cool white paint pen. When they left, everyone took home in a gift bag with a cute little magnet about wine. I used a “It’s wine o’clock somewhere” stamp I found at Michaels to decorate the gift bags in a red wine stain dye.

Of course, you can’t have drinks without eats. We kept it light and did snacks instead of a full meal menu. We had so much chocolate. I made chocolate covered strawberries and chocolate covered pretzels. There was Columbian dark chocolate and some even more delicious dark chocolate with caramel and sea salt from Trader Joe’s. Plenty of Ghirardelli milk choclate squares and a bunch of dark chocolate covered cherries. Red wine and chocolate mix great and it was delightful. 

We also had plenty of cheese — brie, smoked gouda, parmesan, apple-smoked gruyere, blue, gorgonzola, honey goat and sharp cheddar. Fruits, bruschetta, prosciutto, dips and salads. 

My brother-in-law is awesome and brought these great wine tasting note sheets. People could take notes on which wines they did and didn’t like. 

Because it was a blind tasting, I also made people guess a lot. I told them to write down what kind of wine they thought it was…Riesling, Cabernet or whatever else. They got a bonus point if they could guess who makes the wine and another bonus point if they could guess what region of the world the wine came from. My sister guessed the most right and won a bottle of champagne.

Of course, people also brought snacks and more wine including my brother-in-law’s home brew wine which was delish.  All in all, we had a great time and the party lasted until after 4am, ending with a taco run, really great conversations and lots of empty bottles. Cheers until next time!