Tag: life untangled

Adventures in Babysitting

I am delighted to report I survived a week in Iowa house-sitting, cat-sitting and playing interim guardian for my teenage niece while my sister was away on a work trip this week.

It was busy, busy, busy. She had school and Driver’s Ed and Softball so there was lots of running around and maintaining the household for me. I also worked all week so this was the closest I have ever seen motherhood. It seems exhausting.

Having no kids myself, I certainly learned a lot about why I’m okay with that at this stage in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my niece and kids are great. But I also salute all parents because my small glimpses in your world are enough for me to believe parenthood deserves it’s own award show, Golden Globes style.

Number 1 rule to parenting a teenager:  There are no rules.

At times, it felt like the hunger games. There was room for sharp instincts, strategy, taking leadership, negotiations, winning and occasionally surrender.

I texted my sister a couple times at the beginning of the week, mere hours after her departure and said, I don’t know how you do it but bless you.

My sister is an outstanding mom and my niece is certainly not a terror. She is incredibly intelligent but outside the terrible two’s, the second toughest age range for dependents is from pre-teen to 21ish. I wish that were a joke. My niece like many other adolescents around the world just entered high school and mentally exist in a world I no longer relate to.

I used to be there though. I can only remember short clips from my teenage years but I’m sure my mom can recall exactly what I was like — the good, the bad and the ugly.

Today is different though than when I (or my sisters and probably you too) were growing up. We like to try holding kids to the same standards of living we have but it is tough because they live in a world we never had. There are some pieces that seem familiar and other’s we just don’t know how to begin because we don’t know where to start.

Today’s teenagers are living in the influence of home like we did but also with a sphere of entertainment/the internet like never before: social media, completely adult sexualized network tv, mixed messages at every turn, music with great beats but often poor messages and the list goes on.

When we see some of those influences play out despite how we teach coach, train at home, we might find ourselves asking, WHERE do they learn this stuff?

Sure it’s easy to say to teenagers, “Be strong and mature enough to rise above the influence.” I wish it were so easy. Even adults can’t do it.

Some adults spend a lot of time trying to keep up with basically “grown teenagers” like people keep up with the Kardashians. They want the stunning house, gorgeous car, the kind of life people aren’t embarrassed to spotlight on social media feeds.

I am pressured all the time to get married even by people who struggle in their own marriages. There is a sense of looking beside ourselves to the next person to compare or compete instead of looking ahead at our own journey.

Maybe our worlds are not so different, my niece and I. But that’s no excuse to forsake the basic foundational values we share. In our family we do not get so caught up in the gears of the world that we lose our character. We do not govern our home by how Stacey (or whomever) does things in their house.

The first 24 hours of being home with my niece was an adjustment period for us both. Then I set expectations, explained them and proudly watched her rise to meet them for the rest of the week.

She does listen. It is always a pleasant surprise.

For example, one morning she decided to snooze the alarm a few too many times. She had not fixed her lunch the night before like I asked. She stayed up much of the night on the phone with breaks for homework I think. She rushed to get ready. She was frazzled so I made her lunch. I was not going to take her all the way to school and the bus would come in 5 minutes so I compromised. I drove her to the stop but said no more. I was not sure if she heard.

I gave a gentle reminder later,  accompanied by her eyerolls but i wasn’t going to repeat myself over and over. And I meant it. I believe in kids needing to learn a lesson the hard way sometimes (within reason of course).

So maybe you lose out on something you want because you did not do what was asked of you or you miss the bus because you did not make your lunch. You have been warned that sometimes actions have consequences.

I see it as important because it is an opportunity to learn a lesson. Kids usually want to be grown until they have to be responsible then they either get it together or fall apart when the expectation is made clear by an adult.

Every day for the rest of the week, she made her lunch the night before, got dressed and out the door in time for the bus.

Another evening she was asked to clean the cat litter box before leaving for school the next day. She waited until the last minute and was asked if she had finished. She had not and was not happy about it. But even though she was dressed all cute for school, makeup done, not in the mood, she did it. Literally shocking. And it was not in exchange for something she wanted either even though she did have something in mind that she wanted originally.

My mom taught us a very important lesson growing up — you can’t always get what you want. I think kids today need to learn that too. We should not all get trophys whether we win or lose but we also can’t stop playing because we may not win all the time.

Both Growing up and Parenting in today’s world is challenging for a lot of reasons. Sometimes we have to step up and do things we don’t want to so we can gain the freedom to do the stuff we do want to.

There are lessons for all of us to learn. We can learn from kids. They can learn from us. They do learn from us.

Kudos to my sister for giving her all to raise her daughter. Another special thanks to my family who are also instrumental in helping my niece continue growing into a wonderful young lady.

A standing ovation to all the single parent households and all the couples/families out there figuring it out, making it work and doing the best you can. Keep going forward.

May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor

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Summer, You’ll Be Missed But…

I live in Chicago which means Winter could arrive any day now. Today was gorgeous weather — mid 80s — a welcome change from the coat-wearing, fall day, wind chills we have had lately.

It was so nice outside that I tore myself away from the tv shortly after the Chicago Bears won and went on a walk with my sister.

As summer begins to fade, I will focus on cherishing all the good times until next year. One thing I will miss most is how easy it was to find motivation to workout.

I basically measured my summer in workouts. Every Saturday that I could from June to early September, I would peel myself out of bed — toss on shorts and a tank, sling my yoga mat across my back and head for Millennium Park in Chicago’s downtown.

I spent one hour for each doing a class in Yoga, Pilates and Zumba.

Three hours several Saturdays a summer may seem excessive but I learned from them and I felt fantastic doing them. The way the park schedules the classes, gives the group a chance to slowly warm up the body with each hour.

It feels good to sweat alongside a community of strangers in it partly for similar reasons. We are out there stretching and strengthening and challenging ourselves. We have an excuse to start the day in an ocean of sunshine.

The satisfaction I feel after 3 hours is worth it even though I am not a fan of getting up or moving around so early.

It went right along with my other health initiatives. I also use a free app called MyFitnessPal to track what I eat in an online food diary. It notes how many days I log in and it feels like an accomplishment to stay consistent for weeks and weeks.

I used to have a goal of doing it every day for a year. 365 consecutive logs to help me pay attention to salt intake or getting enough protein, veggies,  etc. The first time I made it to 325 days and missed one day of logging in. My day count went back down to zero and I was devastated. I wanted to give up.

I realized it was bigger than that. Seeing the ticker count up towards 365 was amazing but that could not be my only motivation.

I find myself paying attention to my health and wellness now more than ever. I can’t afford to wait for my health to decline before I start caring about it or noticing it. Unfortunately, there are serious health concerns that run in my family’s history so awareness, prevention and proactively doing everything I can to stay healthy is vital.

Even though I’ll miss the ease of working out in the summer, it has to be bigger than that for me. I want my heart and body to be healthy for more than just a season. Don’t you want the same for yourself?

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Make Your Story Legendary

I was inspired to write this post by an advertisement in Essence magazine. It made me really think about the value in having drive for the future big picture.

Sometimes life gives us flashes that don’t make sense separately but when you start piecing them together, the picture gets more full. I finally seem to be making out the image in my own life’s puzzle. I still have a ways to go but every day I approach with purpose becomes a solid day.

Have you ever sat with a puzzle that has so many pieces you do not know where to begin? I always start with the edges and pieces that seem easiest to fit (not force) together. Even when I know that the pieces will indeed make the big picture I saw on the box, the work is tedious and sometimes seems impossible.

Life is like this. We have all these pieces that we are in the middle of figuring out. Sometimes confidently, sometimes tentatively hopeful that the picture will begin to make sense soon.

I have found myself with puzzle glimpses into my future – professional and personal. The puzzle is still hazy but increasing the list of dreams is actually comforting. If I can dream it, I can make it a reality.

In Essence and Real Simple, I read several articles this week about ambitious, accomplished women. I have been talking with and hearing from many women I know who have made major decisions recently to follow their dreams. I was cleaning out my cabinets as an extension of a post I wrote a couple weeks ago and came across a book I had forgotten about climbing the career ladder in stilettos. I have refreshed my mile-long book list to include this forgotten one as well.

It gets me excited to read about, hear from and talk with these women. Success reminds me about what I am capable of. Stories of success used to remind me of all the things I was self-concious about having not done yet. I had to grow out of that if I wanted to live the life I truly want.

Here are 6 ways you can find your drive too:

1. Get Revved Up
You have to get excited with where you are going. If you don’t know where you’re going but you have written dreams and ambition, trust the puzzle to come together. There are still people making tremendous impacts in young and old age — certainly everywhere in between. You have to do the work but get excited about the work so you can get others on board too.

2. Embrace The Journey
The journey may not always be swift but I hope you deem it worth the work and worth the wait.

3. Pave A New Path
Sometimes it is important to think outside the box. Sometimes I do myself a disservice when I think I need to create an idea that is SO far outside the box. It can be just one step outside the box and it is still outside the box. I was reading about a young lady who created her own stainless steel water bottle that keeps water cold for 24 hours. She came up with the idea on a hiking trip after pulling out her plastic water bottle full of warm water because it was such a hot day. She developed the product, found people to help her and eventually landed a big customer – Crate and Barrel. She was smart enough to take a simple idea and turn it into reality.

4. Fuel Yourself
There may be times along the journey where you need to refuel. A support system and network is important here. Pay attention for when you might be running on empty.

5. Accelerate The Positive
When you find yourself in a good momentum, use it to your advantage. It is important to learn from mistakes and failures but… Don’t forget to celebrate the wins.

6. Be Ready For The Ride

What in this post was helpful for you? 

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Bright Pink Octobers: Why I Care and You Should Too

By the end of this week we will be in the full swing of pink. As most people know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

For 31 days, businesses and football players and marathon streets are decked out in bright pink.

More and more the month of October elicits a lot of emotion surrounding loss and victory. Breast cancer battles continue hitting closer and closer to home.

My maternal grandmother had issues with it. My aunt is currently battling breast cancer. Many of my friends have had loved ones affected by breast cancer in one way or another.

A little more than a year ago, my mom had a mastectomy on her left breast after being diagnosed at stage 0 for breast cancer. We were so grateful to have caught it early enough to not need radiation or chemotherapy. We had to make a decision within weeks of finding out the news regarding mom’s health. It was still a major decision to do a mastectomy instead of lumpectomy. It altered our lives. It changed the way we think about health and care for our bodies. It changed us.

There have been many hours in doctor offices and hospital rooms. We have done several surgeries and recoveries, hoping that it’s the last time we will ever need to discuss this with a physician or cancer center. But we never will stop talking about it. It is part of us now and will forever be a present topic in future check-ups.

When that word cancer comes alive, even if it’s a scare or not worst case scenario, it is paralyzing.

In that same summer of my mom’s diagnosis, my sister’s did the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. I went out to support them at different mile markers over the two day walk. It was powerful to see how many lives breast cancer touches. People are weakened by it, strengthened by it and every stop between. No one can tell you how to feel or what to feel. We all react differently and that’s okay.

A few years ago, I went to a breast cancer support group hosted by Bright Pink. Bright Pink is a national non-profit organization focused on prevention and early detection of breast and ovarian cancer in young women.

The support group was a chance to ask questions and share stories with young women who had either known someone with these cancers or had themselves gone through it. We bonded over doing an activity together. It was my first and last time ever doing a spin class after I threw up all over the floor following the workout. (That’s a story for another day.) It was an inspiring and eye opening experience to sit and share our stories, encouraging one another in awareness, prevention and treatment.

Now over a year later from our first set of doctor visits for my mom, we are taking breast cancer awareness Octobers rather seriously. We are also celebrating this life. To be aware, is to be alive…literally in some cases.

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Nama(state) of Mind: The Power of Yoga

I like to consider myself a yogi. I am willing to talk anyone into trying yoga at least once. I think it is perfect for balancing the body and mind. It is powerful exercise and demands focus on mindfulness. In a state of mindfulness, you can give yourself a break and keep your thoughts restful instead of overwhelmed at their regular pace.

Yoga is a great idea for men or women, no matter your flexibility level. I do yoga in outdoor park, group workouts. I do yoga at the gym. I do yoga at the beach. I do yoga in my living room, using YouTube yoga channels. It is that simple to find a space to do it anywhere.

The very first time I did yoga was at least 6 years ago now. I was invited to a small workout held on a town hall lawn, under a gazebo. I thought I would be distracted by the cars passing by or the bugs buzzing or just having to be quiet and still for small eternities.

The practice will stretch you. All it took for me was one class and I was hooked. I especially loved making it through an entire session to arrive at the final pose – savasana. This is how every class ends so you know it is almost over.

Savasana is probably my favorite yoga pose. It is also called “Corpse Pose”. You basically lie flat on your back and let your body rest limp on the ground. You focus on keeping your mind from racing and getting occupied. You just keep your head clear and in the moment. It is about deep relaxation.

Savasana always marks the end of a successful practice because not doing every pose perfect in yoga is fine. That’s why it’s called practice. So what that I can’t lift my entire body off the ground resting solely on my wrists. I do not need to. (Though, I am much further in that crow pose now than I used to be.) I can still keep practicing and learning and growing because yoga is about getting your mind right just as much as getting your body right.

Savasana is the most peaceful time. Lay in silence. Quiet the mind. You can cheer yourself on…”I made it through that.”

After I have said my final Namaste and pack up my mat to leave the session, I feel happy and accomplished and at peace. I feel that way even when the world around me erupts in chaos. 

Would you rather have the peace or the chaos?

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Your Reputation Will Follow Where You Lead

All in one day, I saw three people who have known me at different stages in my life: elementary school, high school and college.

It seemed crazy at the time and I had no clue it would happen. I decided to visit Soul City church in Chicago for the first time.

The first person, I had not seen in 10 years since my high school graduation. We met in 6th grade after I transferred schools. It has been SO long yet the second I walked in the room today, she told me that she knew it was me.

After the service, she came over to say hello and exchange hugs and “So what have you been up to’s.” We made our way to the lobby so she could show me around.

The second person’s face emerged out of a huge crowd of people filing out of the Soul City auditorium. Through the streams of people, we managed to make eye contact and immediately made our way to each other for hugs and “It’s great to see you’s!” We graduated from the same high school and again it has been several years since seeing one another.

The third person sought me out, having noticed me walking around to see the Soul City building. I had briefly seen her in the crowd earlier and thought, “Cute hair.” I had no clue I was talking about a girl who I went to college with until she found me later.

It was the most pleasant, unexpected experiences to have today which brings me to my focus.

You never know who you will run into and when. You never know when people will show back up again in your life. You never know how you might need them or be helped by them or have an opportunity to help them through something.

Our big world is so small sometimes.

Have you ever had this happen to you? You see a person you know in a random time frame of life. Of all the people, all the places in the world, we managed to be here in this same space at the same time. Had it been a few minutes earlier or later maybe it wouldn’t have happened but it did.

I personally don’t think things like that just happen. I think it happens for a reason. I don’t know the reason but it’s pretty cool when you find yourself in that kind of providence.

When it does happen, I want the kind of welcoming reactions I got today. I have always wondered, am I the type of person that people remember or forget? I want to be remembered and especially with gladness.

If you unexpectedly found yourself with people who had not seen you in a while, would they want to welcome you with open arms? Your reputation matters and it will always follow where you lead.

What kind of reputation do you have? What kind of life are you leading? What kind of legacy are you building?

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Let It Go

Last weekend I spent a lot of time getting rid of things that no longer serve me.

I went through every area of my home. 
Everything big or little. I put things in piles based on what I wanted to keep, throw away and give away. I went through every drawer and cabinet in my apartment.

I asked myself, “What can be thrown out or given away? What have I been holding onto that really no longer gives me life or never did? I have chosen to be left ONLY with the items that actually have purpose or bring joy.

Sometimes things are just taking up space in your physical space, mental space, spiritual space, etc. If I find I am talking myself into keeping something because I might use it later but I realize I have been saying that for more than a year…bye.  Life can be that simple sometimes so untangle it.

What [physical, mental, spiritual, relational] things are holding you back, that you need to let go of?

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When Tragedy Strikes

When tragedy strikes, it is an awful and powerful reminder of how fragile life is. It jolts us back for a minute to sharing and showing love to those we cherish and adore. It screams call, hug, kiss, tell the ones you love that you love them so.

When tragedy strikes and takes a life or several, it’s tough.

This post is not meant to be a downer. I actually had plans to write about something completely different but I felt it best to address this which laid more heavily on my heart.

Sometimes real life hits and it’s important to acknowledge the smooth seas right along with the storms that rock the boat. Life has an overwhelming fair share of both.

This weekend marked 10 years since Hurricane Katrina hit the southern coast of the United States and did a lot of damage. Homes were destroyed, families were displaced and lives were lost.

In two weeks will bring September 11, another infamous day in recent American history. Many unsuspecting lives gone, remembered, still mourned and memorialized in different ways like the fountains at Ground Zero. I visited New York for my first time this summer and was able to stand in front of the Freedom Tower and look into the fountain memorial, reading names along the side. I said a prayer sending peace and love to all lost and those left behind, some who have managed to move their lives forward and those who haven’t, perhaps forever stuck in the replaying of that day’s events – both groups wanting one more kiss, hug, touch, wink and laugh.

Today a longtime friend of mine let me know a high school classmate of ours passed away last Thursday. Just 2 weeks ago many of my high school classmates got together to celebrate our 10 year reunion. I did not make it due to my sister’s wedding but wished the class of 2005 well. The young man who passed away wasn’t someone I kept in touch with regularly but we exchanged a few casual social media comments over the past year. I was struck by how young he was and the fact he had gotten engaged recently to a girl we went to high school with. They were to be married next August. Health complications took his life without warning. His fiancé and family are here figuring out what’s next.

New York following 9/11 and the southern coast impacted by Katrina including hard hit areas like New Orleans have been rebuilding since tragedy struck. The resilience sought, the strength and hope they fought for were necessary to gain footing and move forward. These moments are never forgotten.

My classmate’s fiancé, family and high school friends will be the same…Searching for resilience, peace, strength and hope to rebuild and move forward. 

When tragedy strikes it is uncomfortable and awkward and disorienting until you can regain vision and perspective and direction. May this be the reminder you need to share that i love you, i’m sorry, i need you, that laugh, that kiss, that hug, that call, that text. Life is still fragile and tomorrow has never been promised.

Namaste.

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9/11 Memorial

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#CameraReady: Living in the Moment & Beyond Hashtags

More and more I remind myself not to try so hard to capture every moment on film. Sometimes life just needs to be lived.

In this day and age my brain has been trained to think in perfect snapshots and hashtags. How will I remember this moment if I have no physical or virtual prompt to remind me?

Now this is an especially tough practice for me. I love photos. I love taking them. I like being in them (hopefully looking sane). I have several photo albums bursting at the seams full of the perfect throwback thursdays. Pictures to me have always been fun to peek back at, relive the moments captured and smile or laugh. There are lots of good times and amazing people.

Even if no one else takes the time to look, my photos give me great joy. I have thousands of pictures yet to print, books and albums to create and fill. Thanks to sites like Shutterfly, I can build beautiful visual books to give as gifts and share the timeline of some of my favorite highlights in my life’s history.

Even still, I am learning more and more that there is a time to take a photo and there is a time to put the camera down.

For my sister’s wedding last week, I kept my phone in my purse most of night. I snapped a few here and there but mainly I relied on others in the wedding party, guests, the photographer and videographer to get all the shots I would love to see. I told myself I did not want to have my phone glued to my hand. I wanted to party and dance and enjoy the company of those who were around.

There were lots of times I said, “This would be a great picture.” A lot of those moments did not make it to film but that is okay because I was there to see it live, enjoy it in the moment and now I remember whatever I remember.

I have been managing the WedPics app where all the guests could upload the photos they took throughout the wedding day. It has been equally as fun seeing the event through their eyes.

Pictures are truly great but so is knowing I was not missing something truly great by fiddling around with the apps on my phone trying to get the perfect picture. I managed to live through not having every second immortalized in my gallery. I had a phenomenal time in real time. Those memories will last forever.

In the future, I will still keep my flash ready but I may just have to start relying on my memory more for some moments in my life. This could literally cut my hashtag usage by at least half.

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To Have and To Hold: Managing Perfect Expectations

For those who read my post last Sunday, you know I was in the middle of preparing for my sister’s wedding. As of this afternoon after checking out of the hotel, the wedding weekend has come to a close. The planning is over. The newlyweds are happy. The guests are relaxing before returning to work — many recovering from the good dancing, the good laughs, the good drinks — or a combo of all three.

I learned so many lessons from being part of this event. The main thing is to Expect the Unexpected.

Not only on wedding days but in life. I will lay out examples from my wedding day experience because it is fresh on my mind but I know life happens just like this because perfection does not exist anywhere.

When I heard from brides and wedding parties to expect things to go wrong throughout the day,  I was not sure what that meant. When would it happen? Is there a way to anticipate and mitigate the risk? Can we produce perfection anyhow and be an exception to the rule?

Needless to say, we were not an exception to the rule.

Early morning on the wedding day, my hotel room was awakened with a call from the police. They called to let us know the alarm in my sister’s house had gone off and they were there to check things out. It was almost hard to believe. Even harder to believe was the same alarm going haywire 3 times on Sunday morning at 3, 4 and 5am. There was nothing wrong either time. No one was trying to break in but it seems the alarm picked a hell of a weekend to go nuts because the battery was going out. What made that experience more frustrating was my dad having to leave at some ungodly morning hour to drive 60 minutes to check things out himself and reset the alarm…both days.

We arranged for a vehicle to shuttle the wedding party to the venue for pre-ceremony pictures. When we arrived to the hotel entrance, no shuttle in sight so we had to think quickly on our feet. We were already running behind on our photographer’s schedule and we needed to get so much accomplished before the ceremony. My boyfriend grabbed car keys and just started making roundtrips to get things moving. He is a saint by the way and was part of the dynamic duo that really kept the entire weekend afloat by hard-working, selfless, quick thinking like this. We were able to all arrive shortly thereafter for wedding pictures.

We took all our photos before the wedding which in hindsight made sense. By doing it in this order, we were able to spend more time with the guests following the ceremony. What did not make sense however was how freaking hot it was outside. We were all mostly dehydrated, sweaty, smelly messes after walking around for 3 hours taking photos in the heat. Just at the end of our photo shoot, the clouds took a turn and the raindrops started to pour. The bride had to race up the street under makeshift covering from the wedding party. We got beautiful shots but no matter how hard one might try, controlling the weather is well…out of our control.

Minutes before we lined up to walk down the aisle for the ceremony, a member of the wedding party had to leave due to a family emergency when their spouse was rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately that person was unable to return for any part of the ceremony or reception. Their spouse is expected to recover and be okay.

Don’t get me wrong. The outstanding moments far outnumbered the unexpected mishaps. We had a ridiculous amount of fun. The bride and groom were stunning, they said “I Do’s” without incident and the party was epic. The wedding party, the guests and even the vendors had the time of their lives. Everything was well planned and well executed. It is always worth keeping things in perspective though. Not everything in life can be planned to the point of perfection because life is not perfect but even in the mishaps, there is something to learn.

Expect the unexpected and things might still turn out alright.

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