Tag: life untangled

Overcoming Obstacles: Day 2 of M.A.D. Leadership Chicago

The last two weeks I have been writing about this amazing conference I volunteered at. It was hosted by the Aspire Foundation and was a program focused on developing (mostly women) leaders who want to make a difference. 

You can read my first 2 posts here and here. 

Today I am sharing what happened on Day 2 of the event. It was appropriately titled, Overcoming Obstacles Day.

What is your biggest obstacle? How could you overcome it?

What is needed from you to overcome this obstacle? 

There were 4 sessions that day. The first session was about defining your purpose. Who are you and why are you here? 

Attendees were able to choose 2 speakers to sit with and share with. I sat with a speaker who has done ultra-marathons. She is also a businesswoman, wife and mom. She gave great advice and and tips on following your inner compass and going after your purpose to increase your impact.

Between sessions of course there was networking for attendees to take full advantage of the wisdom and endless connections available to those daring enough to seek them out. 

One of the most impactful sessions which was full of powerful stories on transformation came just after lunch on day two. 

3 speakers shared personal testimony about their journey past unbelievable hardship and struggles to a better future. They each found amazing women and men along the way who helped them push their lives out of darkness into light. 

It was hard not to shed a tear or two listening to some of the stories. 

One young lady, Nasreen, flew in from Nepal to share her story about overcoming a small-minded community where her mother told her sister to stay in a forced marriage with an abusive husband to Nasreen escaping to a big city and finding herself as a child laborer working in a sweat shop, making thousands of shirts a day in a tiny room. She eventually was able to leave that life and managed to start her own business then came in contact with someone from Canada who wrote an article about her. She’s also been featured in Forbes magazine which she had never even heard of. 

Sometimes you meet people with a light and love that cannot be explained. Nasreen is one of those people and I feel more wise having met her.

Other than a reflection session for some due quiet time, the day wrapped up with a session on collaborative leadership and the most fun project possible.

Here is the video for the Jessie J Price Tag tribute we did for our ‘Awamu (being together) project in Uganda filmed by yours truly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhFVrHg3mLA

Until next time mad leaders…

With Nasreen Sheikh from Nepal after she shared her amazing story

Aspire, Inspire, Trailblazing Women

​I love being in a room with powerful women and men, especially women. Powerful though not because of their title or status but because of their spirit. Aspire has done it again!

This week I spent volunteering for The Aspire Foundation M.A.D. Leadership Chicago conference. 

This was a symbolic full circle for me. Last year, I attended my first Aspire conference on Trailblazing Leadership in London (click link to read one of my most popular posts on traveling in London). If you have been reading my blogs for some time, you probably remember my posts (like this one here!) about that trip.

This week, I feel like I met the most beautiful souls. People who help you believe in humanity. People who believe in diversity including diversity of thought, of people, of ideas and dreams. People who were open, loving, thoughtful, compassionate and serious about making a difference to change the world, knowing that it starts with transforming their own lives so they can help transform the lives of others.

150 women attended each day from front line, manager and senior positions in the corporate, academic, local government, small business, nonprofit and charity worlds. There were attendees on scholarship, students, mentees, mentors and a few amazing men attended as well. 

As a volunteer, I got there early each morning and stayed late each night, giving my best energy, smiles, help and support to everyone who needed it. I helped with setup, breakdown, did the social media (Search #madleaders on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn), checked attendees in at reception each morning, helped delegates during and between the sessions, supported the volunteer team and all other duties as assigned. 

I got just as much if not more from volunteering as the attendees did. I got to see the experience from a different point of view this time around. I was nervous about how that might turn out but it was a brilliant decision. I worked closely with Dr. Sam Collins, the Founder and CEO of Aspire whose mission is to Make a Difference to 1 Billion women by 2020. 

At the beginning of the conference and before it started I spoke aloud intentions for what I wanted to get out of it. What did I want to see for myself? What did I want to see for the attendees? What did I want to see for the volunteer team? Some of my answers were re-energizing, restoration, peace and clarity.  I feel like I got even more than I asked for and that’s pretty incredible for a few days.
There were 12 fantastic sessions over 3 days. I have so much more to share but I will cut this post short so I can give the other content it’s full airtime. Next week I’ll start sharing more details about the conference sessions and some take-aways that really impacted me. 

I had to start somewhere because I am so excited. This week gave me a renewed energy and outlook on my present and my future. I am a M.A.D. (Making A Difference) Trailblazing Leader. 

Onward #madleaders!

Does your Destiny include Happiness?

I have strong and coherent beliefs about purpose and meaning of these lives we live. Your happiness in life & love matters and there is purpose in it all. 

I think everything happens for a reason. It may not always be clear but I believe our small day-to-day pieces fit into a larger picture, like a puzzle. My beliefs shape my actions and are a source of comfort to me. 

When I think about how special it is when destiny connects, examples like this come to my mind. Have you ever run into someone you know out of nowhere and it seems like the most random thing and thought, wow what a coincidence? I have moments like that occasionally. Then I think to myself of all the people and moments in time, how did it work out to be in this moment? The only thing I can think is it must not be that random. It totally makes me believe things are connected. 

Funny enough, watching Sleepless in Seattle made me think of writing this post. I love a good Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks rom-com. 

In the movie, Meg Ryan’s character is engaged to this plain, boring fellow that she is willing to stay with because they can make it work. They are too familiar and used to one another. He doesn’t excite her or make her feel in love. They happen to be so predictable it becomes clear to her that it isn’t enough. She is willing to settle instead of be truly happy. 

In the magic of Hollywood her search for love and happiness during this movie, things work out even though her path to get there was a little crazy.

Meanwhile, Tom Hanks’ character has just lost his wife to cancer. He has a small son and relocates his life to Seattle for a fresh start away from all the memories of his wife whom he loved madly. His son shares their story on a late night radio show, seeking the right new partner for his dad and ladies all over are smitten.

The movie tells the tale of these two particular strangers across the country eventually finding themselves in love through a series of events. Some random and some not so random. 

About my earlier point on seeing someone you know randomly there is a line from the movie that says, “Destiny is something we’ve invented because we can’t stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental.” I just can’t bring myself to believe that with no doubts. 

I do think we actively play a role. We have to or life just happens to us. I still have to believe things that seem unconnected might also have dotted lines behind the scenes that connect them and make them matter. It may not be clear in that moment but it all matters.

When it comes to your destiny, do you choose happiness?

I hope everyone would but I know some would think they don’t deserve it. I want you to know that you do.

If sacrificing your happiness can come so easily to you it may be just a matter of time before you sacrifice other things that matter to you…your comfort, your peace of mind, etc.

Another great quote from this film, “I love you. But let’s leave that out of this. I don’t want to be someone that you’re settling for. I don’t want to be someone that anyone settles for. Marriage is hard enough without bringing such low expectations into it, isn’t it?”

I am grateful to have a love that makes me feel safe and protected, happy and free. When I think of where my life is and where I want it to go, my happiness is sacred.
Life and love is not perfect nor always easy but it should be worth it. Your destiny depends on it.

Heart Untangled: Speaking My Love Language

This month I have been thinking quite a bit about love languages. 

I always thought I knew what mine was but decided to take the official online quiz for couples on Gary Chapman’s website. It was so insightful.

Knowing your own love language is a great way to understand what you look for in relationships and how you feel loved and appreciated. It is also good to know what your partner’s love language is so you can show them your love and appreciation for them in a manner that means the most to them.

I want to share mine because it includes descriptions and hopefully makes you think about what your own might be.

After the quiz, my results were scored. The highest score indicates your primary love language – how you really understand your partner’s expressions of love. It’s common to have two high scores, although one language tends to have a slight edge. The lower scores in your profile indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don’t affect you on an emotional level in your relationship.

My top two were tied…Physical Touch & Words of Affirmation. My next highest was Quality Time followed by Acts of Service. My lowest was Receiving Gifts.

Here is a little more insight into what they mean straight from my personal love language profile:


Physical Touch
“This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.”

This is so true in my opinion but was a little surprising because I was in a long distance relationship for years. Being apart never bothered me too much. I missed my partner of course but we talked all the time and saw each other as often as we could. It worked for us. I am glad now we are no longer long distance. 


Words of Affirmation
“Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.”

As a lover of written and spoken word, words have special meaning for me. Actions are incredibly important but to me, so are the words you say. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks and I want to hear what you have to say. Words really do matter in building relationship with someone.


Quality Time
“In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.”


Acts of Service
“Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.”

When I think about my love, I think one of his top love languages is Acts of Service. He gives love through Acts of Service. He feels appreciated through Acts of Service. He goes above and beyond when it comes to finding ways to serve. He is always willing to take the burden of something and make things easier on me. He wants to know I have his back too and I do. It feels good to have someone you believe in. 


Receiving Gifts
“Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.”

My boyfriend and I are just the right match here. This was the last one for both of us. Gifts are not our focus and I like that. We spend our time on the other areas above.

These descriptions just scratch the surface. To really understand the love languages of you and your partner, read Dr. Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages.

The biggest tip to walk away with is you should take time to understand your love language.

Knowing how you prefer to be loved is important for your relationship. It’s romantic to think your partner should just know how to love you—but it’s also a bit unrealistic, and can even be unfair to expect something from your partner if you’re not willing to tell him/her how you prefer to be loved and appreciated in your relationship.

National Sister’s Day

Today I celebrated National Sister’s Day. I didn’t even know that was a thing until recently. 

I love some of these random days to enjoy the little things in life. They have national ice cream day, national friendship day, national poem day. There is something to celebrate every single day of the year. 

This post will be short so I can get back to the company of my friends and sisters but what ladies in your life could use a little love from you? Maybe a hello, a smile, a laugh, a call, a card, a coffee, an ice cream or a brunch date? 

I went to brunch today with my actual sisters but celebrating things like national sister day can include the more general sister definition of just a lady in your life. Your sisters might include your family, friends and any other lady who could use a spirit uplift from your kindness. It might be a a lady you admire or have fun with or someone you call mom even. 

Who could use an extra dose of your attention this week?

Share the love in the spirit of National Sister’s Day! 

Unleash your Power for Purpose

A little over two years ago I read an Essence magazine that talked about creating vision boards and really declaring what you want in your life. I cut out lots of words and images of encouraging and empowering reminders of the positive things I wanted to attract more of in my life. 

After one year, I was totally a believer in the power of vision boards. They created the exact effect I wanted. The vision board itself didn’t make me achieve goals and hit milestones though, it provided visual and mental reminders of where I wanted to be. I still think the craziest part is I started seeing my vision come alive from year to year. 

I created a new one last year and just 7 months in, I’m amazed. Now, my life is not perfect. I am not perfect. The world around me is not perfect however when you can flip the switch to get what you want and need out of life, it feels good whenever there is a chance to celebrate the big and little moments. I have been blessed and fortunate enough in several areas to celebrate. It helps then when other areas seem to fall apart or begin to rip at the seams. I know there is something beyond the mountains of life. 

When I look at statements on my 2016 vision board like…“Write the Next Great Chapter in Your Life Story” and “Enhance Your Career” and “It’s time I make a bold move and Own it,” or “Choose Love” and “Find Your Own Paradise,” it just gets real when I consider what is happening in my life these days. 

I have enhanced my career and made fun life moves along side the man I love. I am full into the adventure God has for me. 

I may not have my life exactly planned and my purpose may not always be clear. Perhaps you have felt the same when you are not sure the ‘why’ for what is happening around you. Living in our world right now, there feels the need to perpetually ask, “Why?” 

But in partnership with that question, I also must ask, “What can I do better to live in my purpose?” My decisions and my realm of influence can open doors and minds and opportunities for who knows what. Part of my purpose is to be light and share love which can drive out darkness and hate and all the unwanted. Being in my purpose I can attract positivity, success and the right kind of challenges to prep me for my next level. It may not always be easy but it can be worth it. 

I am a couple decades into creating my legacy and determining how I will leave this earth better than I found it by owning my purpose in my own way.

I hope for you that you have the courage to be who you are meant to be and the consistent inspiration to dream, provide, advise, explore, confess, organize, support, dance, laugh, love and love again as you move through life and unleash your power for purpose. 

Let the Mud Settle

June has been an interesting month. This June has certainly contained its share of ups and downs, twists and turns. Many good days, a few stressful ones. Perhaps you feel the same.

Every now and again we all might feel we could row in the same boat. We share how busy we are or stressed. We are all going through something at any given moment.

Saturday morning I did not feel like dragging myself out of bed to exercise. I wanted to sleep in. I wanted to rest and spend my morning doing nothing.

But on the other hand, I cannot talk about how I want my health to be good while I ignore opportunities to make it better.

Though I arrived a few minutes late, I made it to Yoga and then stayed for Pilates.

It was so hot out I just wanted to lay on my mat in the shade instead of sweat in the sun. I pushed past that mental block for most moves and it eventually felt good to be out there working.

The yoga teacher said something during our practice yesterday that resonated so loud I had to write it down following our final relaxation pose when we wrapped up for the day.

She said “Do you have enough patience to let the mud settle until the water runs clear?”

If you have never practiced the art of yoga, it is about slowing down and being concious in mind, body and spirit. It gives you a chance to settle and focus…hit reset. You spend a lot of time breathing and moving quietly.

You might say but I know how to breath already. I’m alive. I would challenge there is a difference between breathing to stay alive and breathing to feel alive.

When your mind is clear and you have a chance to pause all the stuff you have to think about, worry about or do, you get a better chance to actively participate in your life. You can feel more alive when you remove the extra distractions.

Her statement resonated with me because through good and bad news, on easy and tough days, I can be quick to make moves, focus too hard on the details, lose the big picture (or do just the opposite), freak out or jump to conclusions without letting the mud settle.

Sometimes things are easier to manage when you give the sediment, crap and muck time to settle to the bottom or get out of the way so you can get clean, clear water. Then you can think straight, see straight and make decisions that help you. It takes patience and work.

So what is the next thing you’re fighting to achieve? Waiting on? Praying for? Need clarity concerning? And…are you willing to let the mud settle?

What do you need to practice your patience on this week?

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Phoneless Part 2: Be Careful What You Wish For

Following my post last week, all I can say is Be Careful What You Wish For!

Though I definitely did mean everything I said about the importance of putting down the phone and being present, I had no clue I would have a real-time test on it.

Just this past Wednesday, a mere 3 days after I wrote last Sunday’s post, my phone broke. It was physically damaged and I couldn’t connect a charger to it.

My phone is a little over a year old on a 2 year contract. I have been having issues lately with the phone losing battery charge quickly. The second I wasn’t able to charge it, I just knew it would be dead in a matter of hours and I had no plan.

I hit this unexpected bump. I would not be able to make or receive calls. I was nervous I would lose all my apps, photos, and maps. I use a lot of things in my phone to help me navigate the day. I actually am still nervous much of my info was lost even though my provider claimed to backup everything.

By Thursday morning, my phone was dead. I had called customer support the night before and spoke with three people. Only two of which were helpful. I made an appointment to go in a store Thursday after work but that guy was the worst so far. He did not answer my questions or explain my options. Needless to say I was wildly frustrated at this point.

What seemed to make it more stressful was I had plans to take a cross-country roadtrip for the weekend to attend a wedding. What if I needed to reach out to someone? Or they needed me? How would I know where to go?

I really wanted to have my phone for practical and safety reasons. I cane home Thursday and my boyfriend could just tell he needed to step in and help me out. He calmed me down and agreed to walk with me to our local phone store where I could get some answers and have a plan. I love that.

It was the first employee to be kind, empathetic and truly helpful in that store. In that moment I could see the true spirit of great customer service. Oh boy, how people treat one another makes such a difference in this world.

She thoroughly explained my options. She discussed how to file a claim and request a replacement phone be shipped overnight hopefully in time for my trip. She gave me a tip to temporarily transfer service to an old phone on the account so I could at least have access for my trip. I appreciate good people.

Unfortunately the phone did not arrive before the trip so I was pretty limited on the road. My old phone also dies quickly so I used it for basic things. I didn’t spend my weekend on social media or taking photos. I was able to completely focus on being present and not just there. Though frustrating at times, it was all the things I spoke about last week.

When I returned home and got the package, I was annoyed to open the package and see no battery or charger was included. I had to call the insurance company so the can ship the missing products which won’t arrive for a few days.

At this point I am no longer frustrated to tears. I can only laugh because it all seems so ridiculous now. Mainly in retrospect I appreciated the experience. I adapted and feel silly such a simple change threw me for such a loop. God had jokes this week. That’s why sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for!

Have a great week. See you next Sunday!

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Smartphone Free is Freedom

Recently, I joined two friends for dinner and drinks. Just before we linked up, my phone died so I left it charging nowhere near me.

My two friends spent much of the night engrossed in their emails and facebooks and instagrams, incessantly scrolling.  Not the least bit interested or engaged in the live in-person conversations I was trying to have.

Thus I spent much of the evening people watching…quietly. On the one hand I was wanting to demand we pay attention to each other and oh the other hand feeling like why bother? If I have to fight for their attention, they don’t really want to give it to me.

The most surprising thing was actually feeling free without my phone. No apps to open, no texts to respond to, no calls, no emojis, no notifications. I didn’t even want my phone back.

I rarely am without my phone and charger at any given moment. It made me realize how I make others feel when I’m disengaged and solely phone concious. I need to drop my phone in my bag sometimes and forget about it.

Of course later that night upon returning to my phone with a few more percents in battery life, I was back in the addiction. I saw no faces and heard no voices.

What can I do to be more present?

I actually wrote about this when going through a personal and professional goal setting course a few years ago. I wrote SMART goals about my life. Be Present. Huge challenge still.

Our digital lifestyles sometimes neglect our need for true human interaction. We need to disconnect to connect more.

I find myself wrapped up in my phone on my daily commute while riding the train. Some days it’s nice to limit screen time and just look out the window, read a magazine or check out the newspaper.

I certainly don’t feel guilty about accessing and using the helpful tool that is my phone. It’s wonderful but there are times when I can do more by being present in the moment with people.

How many other things in life might I be missing by not putting my phone down?

These days we are less connected with our endless connections. Remember that when you find yourself so enticed by your phone screen that the world passes you by. Some days put the phone down and be free.

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Standing at Millennium Park Fountains in Chicago

Right to R.E.A.L Love: How to Make a Relationship Last, Episode 3

Here it is! The final episode of my series on the Right to R.E.A.L Love radio podcast.

In this episode, Jay and I wrap up our discussion to address the question: What can we do to ensure that our relationships last?

We leave you with these key takeaways:

1. Why our relationships can only be as healthy as we are

2. Ways to make a relationship last

In this episode and episode 2 we talk a little more about resources and books that can be helpful to couples.

Supporting your partner in the relationship you commit to is so important. You should do everything you can to learn about your significant other. You can lean on each other and learn from each other to make your relationship last. I am so happy to have the right kind of support in my relationship. Our great love and friendship for each other keeps our bond strong. It feels amazing to be so confident in what I have and who I share it with. 

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Be sure to also look up these books we mentioned during the series that can help you.

1. A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex, and Conflict by Tiya Cunningham-Sumter

2. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman

3. Purpose and Power of Love and Marriage by Dr. Myles Munroe

4. Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men by Dr. Myles Munroe. There is also a counterpart book for Understanding the Purpose and Power of Woman.

What other relationship books would you recommend? Please leave a comment below and share with us what has helped you.

Whether married or not, there are key relationship lessons to learn and take with us in life. This podcast was aimed at singles but does not mean married couples cannot gain knowledge or insight. I have heard many times from married people that the best time to prepare for marriage is before you’re married. I’m certain life does not become easier just because you’re married. Same as it’s not necessarily a walk in the park if you are single and dating or in a long-term committed relationship. No matter the stage or time put into a relationship, it takes work.

What are you bringing to the table and what do you need your partner to bring to the table to make your relationship last and your love grow deep and wide?

Hopefully during this series, my first radio podcast, you learned something and gained some insight on how to make your current or future relationships last.

Remember to have fun with each other, show respect, have trust and give each other the space you need to make your love grow over time. May your relationships last for several seasons and develop in its purpose.

The more you communicate with one another about where you are and where you are going, the easier it is to know if the relationship is right for you. Remember everything has its own time.

Listen to episode 3 here:

392: How to Make a Relationship Last (Part 3)