We are wrapping up the first quarter of 2016 this week. Can you believe it?
It feels like I was just hosting a New Year’s Eve party. For right now my big focus is keeping my comfort zone packaged up like a small box and living outside of it as much as possible.
I have found myself saying yes to more opportunities even when I am afraid to fail. I won’t know what I can learn until I live outside that box.
Dancing in J’ouvert on the streets of Trinidad was a fun leap outside the box. Tossing my hat in the moderating ring was another step outside the box. I just agreed to my first podcast interview for a radio show about relationships. I have been approached in the last couple weeks for advice on how to go after things you want and blogging tips, among other topics.
The first quarter check-in feels good though it has certainly not been without its share of trials and headaches. When I can make forward progress, the day feels purposeful. I am focusing more on intentionality so I can continue to keep an eye on that comfort zone box long enough to push further past its limits. I hope you will take up the challenge and join me.
If you’re serious about it, check your comfort zone box at the door. Let’s make it a meaningful second quarter with the next 3 months of 2016.
How have your first 3 months of this year gone? What goals do you plan to achieve in the next 3 months?
Last year around this time, I wrote a post about spring cleaning your closet. Unplanned yet amazingly I followed that advice yet again over the weekend but am expanding it to spring cleaning your life.
Today, being the first day of Spring and International Happiness Day, it is perfect timing.
I have been re-tuning my life, my health, my style, my mind and many other things lately.
Sometimes we need to scrub, sort and simplify our lives a bit.
A few weeks ago, I started finding myself so stressed from work I was having chest pains on my right side only. I had to make a very serious decision to reassess what was most important in that situation. Ultimately my health is number one.
One decision I personally made for myself was to speak up more when things are off.
Without calm and clarity, everything else will suffer. In work, at home, on the go…you name it.
I have been making a few other spring cleaning decisions in recent weeks and months. I always love travel so the trips I take aren’t just because I can’t sit still. I travel to refresh.
As I inch closer to closing a decade of my life and opening another by the end of the year, fitness and food are more important to be concerned over. My recent grocer trips are more planned and thoughtful so I can develop healthier eating habits.
It used to be so easy to eat all the food I wanted and never think twice. Haha oh those days have passed. I’m working on updating my cupboards and fridge to reflect the changing times.
I joined a few fitness classes and am working on making gym visits a regular part of my routine even when I don’t feel like it. Most days I really don’t feel like it. My boyfriend has graciously taken up the request to be my trainer and he is doing a fantastic job even when I am incredibly resistant in the gym. I am grateful for his patience!
Lastly, I spent a few hours in my closet over the weekend, tossing items that no longer serve me. I had two bags of clothes and shoes to get rid of. Even though these things have not been used or are just worn out, I was clearly scared to let them go. My closet seems so small now but it opens up a chance to fit new things that I like.
It feels so good to take care of yourself and put yourself first when you really need it. Look for the signs and times to calm your body and clear your brain.
I promised last week that you would hear more about my experience from Wednesday night moderating my first panel ever. I am delighted to share.
The panel was hosted by the Chicago Multi-Cultural Connections group. I was fortunate enough to have the moderating opportunity thanks to my friend and colleague who made the introduction.
The theme was “Women at the Top”, a look into the journey of business women in celebration of Women’s History Month. The great thing is there were men in the audience too, giving outstanding support.
Women’s History Month highlights the contributions of women to events in history and contemporary society. Events like “Women at the Top” are impactful and important all year long but glad we could participate in it this month, especially in the same week as International Women’s Day.
My moderating goal of course was to guide the conversation, get to know our panelists and engage the audience. I was terrified to try something so new to me. I was not sure how it was going to go and if I would naturally fall into a rhythm. I pursued the challenge despite the fear and I am so glad that I did.
The three panelists were amazing.
Dawn Steele Halbert, a Regional Director for the Hispanic Media division at Meredith Corporation. She is an African-American woman who has spent her life in media making a difference.
Lucy Diaz is the VP of Corporate Sales at Univision Communications. Univision Communications is the leading broadcast media company serving Latin Americans. Lucy works with ad agencies and businesses all over the Midwest. Lucy shared refreshingly honest stories and tips about her experience and what she has learned over the years as a mom and businesswoman.
Yann Woolley is the Owner of Pistachios Contemporary Jewelry. Pistachios lies in the heart of downtown Chicago on the famous Magnificent Mile of Michigan Avenue. Pistachios has been a Chicago staple for over 21 years and they specialize in contemporary jewelry design created by talented and cutting edge artists in the world. As an immigrant to the United States, Yann had made tremendous success and really struck great cords with the audience about how far she has come but how her journey has had such impact.
Each of these ladies were truly inspiring. I opened the panel with a few starter questions about the career journey and what added challenges do they face being women and minorities.
We talked mentors, future goals, empowerment, competition, balance, men and leadership on and off the work clock throughout the panel. It was a dynamic conversation and I learned so much from it. The audience was engaged and a few people asked great questions to keep the conversation going.
Some of my favorite sound bites were:
1. Make your voice credible. You have to work twice as hard to make your point. (In regards to discrimination against women in the workplace)
2. Everybody is dealt a different deck but you can use your strength to forge through, deal with disappointment and adversity, to overcome, to try harder
3. Speak Up! This was shared by Lucy Diaz in regards to a question about what she would tell her younger self
4. Opportunity will come but you have to Be Ready
5. Promote Yourself and Network within your Company
After the event, I had so many attendees asking if I moderate for a living and when I told them it was my first time they were shocked. I was even offered a job by one of the panelists.
It felt good to take a leap outside my comfort zone and fly. I prepared for the opportunity and I was ready when it came. That’s not always an option though and I understand that. Even if it did not go well, I would have learned just as much about where I am and where I want to be. I have many more goals and seeing these women and hearing their stories, I found more drive in myself.
I look forward to taking more risks, diving right in and continuing to live in my purpose.
L to R: Lucy Diaz, Me, Yann Woolley, Dawn Steele Halbert
Tomorrow I welcome a new person to my team at work. After being recently promoted, I have learned so many lessons and I am excited to on-board a new employee and bring her up to speed on our organization.
In the evening leaving some space open to spend with my boyfriend who began training recently at the world-famous Second City. Last week, we got free tickets to a comedy show after class. Hearing his excitement and supporting him on this new journey means the world to me too.
Then at midweek, I will be moderating an event for the first time ever. I am so excited and nervous about jumping into such a project. It is outside my comfort zone but with the goals on my vision board this year, I declared diving right into new things.
The event will be a panel of women at the top of their careers, sharing advice and lessons to a diverse audience. I will share more about what I learn from the entire experience next week.
I will be joining a webinar Thursday to continue celebration of International Women’s Day which is March 8. The webinar is hosted by Dr. Sam Collins, Founder of the Aspire Foundation.
After attending Aspire’s International Women’s Day webinar last year, I was ultimately inspired to apply for scholarship with them. I was awarded scholarship and attended the Trailblazing Leadership conference in London last June.
My life changed so much last year and this year has already brought amazing new opportunities for growth.
At the tail end of the week, I will be hosting family and friends in the city for a day of fun surrounding the St. Patrick’s Day celebrations in Chicago.
I am most excited about that day because I had been talking about planning something for a few years and kept making excuses or putting it off.
I love hosting but don’t do it very often. I host an annual new year’s eve party and this might be my other new thing.
I just added a new post to my vision board at home that explains why I’m so excited about this get-together. It is about staying connected with loved ones in person. We will have live conversations instead of only communicating through social media or text. We can have fun and enjoy one another’s company. It will be the perfect way to end a full week.
This week will be about keeping things in perspective, that teaching is also about learning and lastly not to forget to let your guard down to have some fun.
We have arrived to the end of February, for many it was the month of Love.
February is filled with lots of hearts and pinks and reds and cards and chocolates and flowers and special dates. So many people are looking for love or keeping the fire alive with the love they already have. So many others also running and hiding from the all the fuss, possibly stung by love in the past.
Love is such a powerful emotion. It is such a moving motivator. Love evokes all kinds of reactions.
My boyfriend and I actually choose not to celebrate Valentine’s Day or Sweetest Day. Our reasoning has always been keeping our love for each other genuine by celebrating outside of such “hallmark holidays”.
Love takes on different forms for everyone. I am fortunate to have someone in my life who I enjoy spending time with, someone I like, someone I love and someone I know is worth keeping company with.
I pay a lot of attention to relationships. I observe what works and does not work for others. I don’t model my relationship off anyone else’s but the insight into the challenges as well as opportunities to dive in further is so valuable.
A friend of mine just began a couples club with her husband. The idea is to get couples together on a regular basis, out of the house to have fun and enjoy the company of other great couples. It is such a brilliant idea to support each other and keep our own relationships strong.
With such high divorce rates, having strong examples of love and marriage has always been important to me. I like seeing it and believing it is possible. I get love in relationships or marriage is not always so easy but it can work if you work it.
Interestingly enough, earlier this week I started watching Married At First Sight on OnDemand. They are in the third season of this show and the concept is so fascinating.
The show site explains it like this:
“Married at First Sight” is an extreme social experiment that follows six brave singles yearning for a life-long partnership as they agree to a provocative proposal: getting legally married to a complete stranger the moment they first meet.
Four specialists – sexologist, Dr. Logan Levkoff; psychologist, Dr. Joseph Cilona; sociologist, Dr. Pepper Schwartz; and spiritual advisor, Greg Epstein – create what they believe are three ideally matched couples, based on scientific matchmaking. The couples will not meet until they walk down the aisle and see each other face-to-face, for the first time, at the altar.
Over the course of several weeks, episodes capture each couple’s journey as they go from wedding, to honeymoon, to early nesting, to the daily struggle of working on their marriage. After several weeks together, each couple must make a decision: do they remain together or decide to divorce?
This arranged marriage style is so untraditional to many cultures but watching the show unfold, it is so interesting. These couples are going through battles seasoned couples have further down the line in their relationships. They are getting to know each other personally on an intimate level with such a humongous leap into marriage.
Love and the pursuit thereof can do that to people. Of course this is an extreme example but people pursue and look for love on all kinds of levels, hoping to find love that will last, be true and mad and deep.
I am steady learning and finding enlightenment on my own journey with love. I appreciate looking by my side to a partner that supports, motivates and challenges me. I appreciate having someone I can trust and share my strengths and weaknesses with who can do the same with me.
Relationships are not for everyone, neither is marriage and I respect that. I still am in no rush to marry. I am so blessed at my life and relationship stage right now. But should you choose to find someone and you see a potential for love, I hope it is true, mad and deep.
Don’t you find such freedom in making your own decisions?
When you choose your education path, faith, career, love life, friends you will keep in touch with, etc. The opportunity for you to choose the paths for your life is freeing.
Growing up, if you were lucky, someone probably guided you, always telling you what to do. Usually this was a parent, an older sibling or grandparent perhaps.
If you were “normal” you likely hated it. It is easy to misunderstand being told over and over how you should live, especially as you’re growing up without much choice or explanation about why.
Part of the reason I got so much out of my education at college was the freedom I had to choose what I wanted to study. It was different than elementary or high school. I had a greater level of satisfaction and fulfillment being responsible for my own life.
Some people would rather be told their whole lives what to do and when but if you recognize there is more to life, if you really get it, you will take ownership and live how you want.
I choose to live this way in all the areas I previously mentioned. My faith has been far more powerful and meaningful to me as I have gotten older. I’m not continuing a cycle because my parents did but it’s my own decision. I find freedom in that because it impacts how, where and why I worship as I do with the faith I have.
My romantic life is my favorite daily choice and giving my all in a relationship empowers me to learn all the important lessons about love. Choosing the man I do life with was one of my best decisions. We will explore all we can while flying or occasionally falling together. We are learning so much.
Even defining friendships has gotten more precise. My group of friends has shrunk significantly since my school days. I am far more intentional about who I keep in touch with on a personal level. Some people are truly only in your life for a season and when the season ends, we must take the lessons and move on.
I was fortunate enough to keep my cold at bay long enough to attend my friend’s wedding shower this weekend. I spent so much time at her house growing up, her dad assumed they adopted me, haha. It has been a few years since I saw everybody. It was like old times hugging and catching up with the cousins, sisters, mom, grandma and a few other high school/college friends. I missed the last 10 year school reunion so I haven’t seen most people since we graduated.
It was such a good feeling to be in a room with great people. Actually my friend made a comment I totally agree with. The party was like school but with only people we liked. That’s the freedom I mean. I do everything in my power to choose joy and happiness and the paths or people who bring me closer to that. Point blank, period.
Yesterday I was bundled in 2 layers, winter coat and snow boots just in case. Chicago can be unpredictably brutal this time of year.
Today I have the extreme pleasure of penning this post from the Caribbean island of Trinidad.
This post won’t be that long because I am eagerly awaiting my ride to Maracas Beach on the other side of the grand mountain here.
This experience even from last night to today has been fun. We have no true plan or itinerary. Our goal is to go with the flow and we are. Sometimes life is like that and those can be the most memorable moments.
The country is beautiful like they said it would be. I am feeling quite nostalgic because so many things are reminding me of when I lived in Nicaragua.
The weather, the houses, the scenery, the hospitality among many other things.
I love traveling and telling people about new places they can make their own adventure to. If you have never been, consider booking your trip in the future.
It is so important to take some time to enjoy the view everywhere you are. I hope on this Sunday you take a breath, say a prayer of thanks and enjoy the view.
See you next Sunday when I take a deeper dive into all I will learn from this stunning place. For example, did you know it is illegal to curse in public in Trinidad? As in, people can actually get arrested. Stay tuned for the ins and outs of Trinidad including the greatest show on earth…Carnival.
In a few days, I will be fully emersed in the world and culture of Trinidad. I am starting to get so excited!
Naturally, during and post-trip, I will share great lessons, tips so look forward to that.
More and more I realize two of my favorite things are traveling and writing about it. I hope more doors open in the future and opportunities to do more of these two things that I love.
I spent a few hours today on YouTube learning about what to expect from the Caribbean island. I look forward to the traditional food, Carnival partying, hotter-than-Chicago weather and beauty everywhere from people to scenery.
Any opportunity to see the world and open up your mind and perspective, seems worth it to me. A trip to a new town near where you live or a new country across the world offers the same chance to evolve as a human being.
I cannot wait to share with you the experience. I hope it might inspire you to take mental and physical break from the day-to-day routine to just take a few days for yourself.
Travel is nice but a staycation is perfect too. Some weeks we just need to be kinder to ourselves and take time off to rest, relax, recoup and do what makes us feel joy.
Actually my new motto is “I work to vacay.” I hope you will take that challenge as seriously as I do.
Whenever you stand for a cause, raise your voice in connection to an issue or movement, pick a side, there will always be opposition.
When you have a cause that does not hurt others, the next step is figuring out how to get others to care. There will be those who do care automatically because the same issue may be close to their hearts but how can you appeal to people who just do not agree?
I wholeheartedly believe that in order to make true, lasting change in this world, you cannot strong arm your point.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
People argue all the time when they feel so strongly in how right they are and the person they feel is wrong just needs to see, believe and follow.
Last summer, I flew to London for the Aspire Foundation, Trailblazing Leadership conference. It was one of the single most impactful and inspiring trips I have had in my life.
Even months later, I am still practicing and preaching what I learned. I still go over my event notes and reflect on the goals I set during that event and get excited about the goals I made progress on.
One page in my notes inspired today’s post. Session 6 of the event was titled “The M.A.D. Leadership Movement.” M.A.D. stands for Making A Difference.
That session was led by Brita Schmidt, Exceutive Director of Women for Women International. She talked about her challenges traveling the world and having difficult conversations with people who do not see the value in equality for women. She also talked about how necessary those challenges are in order to make a difference and achieve the goals to achieve equality in nations all over the world.
Brita has outstanding energy and passion for what she does. It is easy to talk about your passion with like-minded people but how do you keep that same passion and impact those who do not care?
Brita talked really practically about how we could make differences in our own respectives movements. Your movement could be gender, wage or racial equality. Your movement could be linked to education, the arts, workforce development, the criminal justice system, environmental issues or whatever you are passionate about getting others to care about too.
Brita talked about sometimes needing to dial down her energy and meet people where they are before turning up the volume up by a little. It is important to:
1. Know Your Audience
She talked about having to discuss why people should care about what she was fighting for. She would try to discuss women equality in nations where that is not the norm or with powerful business investers who were men and wanted to see the numbers over hearing the powerful life stories of the women she worked with and wanting change because of that.
Brita had to know her audience and use that to build their trust of her and thus her influence with them. She had to gain their respect and offer solutions instead of just telling them they were wrong and she was right. She did not change her passionate message but sometimes had to package it differently. Have you ever needed to do that?
In countries where it is difficult, Brita might appeal to the men with training, resources and ideas that are helping them see the value in treating women equally without directly disrespecting traditions or values. When she meets with men who will ignore her emotional stories, she prepares the reports and numbers so she can still provide the stories but in a form that grants her an audience with the policy and changemakers.
Sometimes it is necessary to be creative about making a difference if you want to be taken seriously.
The other big thing to remember is:
2. Be Patient
When we see the need for change whether at work, at home, major worldly injustices or anything else, patience is required. To right injustices, seeds of justice must be planted and cultivated to outgrow the injustices. When the new tree is mature, it can no longer give root to what came before it.
I want it to happen overnight too. But it won’t even when you have waited far too long already.
3. Be the Change You Wish to See
Take action today.
“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. …We need not wait to see what others do.”
Mahatma Gandhi
In this world today there is a lot of hurt. Hurt people, hurt people. A lot of little changes would make all the difference. There will always be opposition but when there is opportunity to make change, take it and include others along with you.
Every chance to make the world a more thoughtful, safe and welcoming place will increase your brave. May you always be brave and wise enough to navigate the complicated streets we all live on.
So unless you have been living under a rock in the US, you have probably heard about the insane Powerball jackpot that kept rising and rising.
We now have news that at the highest powerball in history, there were 3 winning tickets pulled last week.
As the jackpot grew so did the eyes and greed of anyone who could throw $2 as many times as possible towards a ticket.
I, too, fell for the hype. I brought 3 tickets when the Powerball was about $400-something million. I did not even fully understand if I bought the tickets right but that did not matter. I was part of the gold rush of it all. I did not win of course after that so I said, screw it. Clearly gambling my future with 6 numbers is not for me.
A few days later when the jackpot rose, my work comrades had joined forces to buy a ticket for everyone in the pool. If one ticket in the group won we would split it evenly which at the time amounted to something like $47 million each.
I refused for days until I was like, what if they do win and I turn out to be the sucker who lost a chance at $47 mil over $2? I drank the peer pressure kool-aid and joined the crowd, thinking maybe we had a real shot. Statistically though, the chances were like 1 in 175 million at least. The office energy around it was high and fun.
I normally would not do a group thing but my co-workers are amazing, trustworthy, honest human beings and I knew the chances of us being on The First 48 due to a lottery winner snapping off, was low. This was the right crew to do business with. I was on the ready to call my student loan providers to settle all my college debt fully and finally. I was skeptical of really winning but wanted it for all of us. It was fun to take a chance.
That’s the thing, it’s taking a chance. I lost $8 total in my first and last Powerball craze but some people spend $500, $100K or much more for just a shot…a chance to go big or go home. Unfortunately, almost everyone ends up at home looking sour in the face.
We want to believe we might have gotten the magic touch that day and this will be the one to change everything. I want to believe in the magic too and wish if I wished hard enough, things I want would just happen.
Maybe they don’t because the chances are too slim and they always have been. Maybe they don’t because what I think I want won’t be as satisfying if it comes without earning and preparing for it. Maybe they don’t because life just doesn’t work like that.
I hope the people who did win the lottery have their priorities in order and respect the immense life alteration they fell into. I hope they are not ravaged by those around them and will maintain dignity. I hope they gain wisdom and lose vultures. I hope it adds good to their lives and they do not end up poor, unfortunate souls who gave up their privacy and life for fame and fortune.
We all know money is necessary and nice to have more than enough but money itself does not bring joy. If you do not have joy without money, you probably will not find much long-lasting happiness with it either.
One of my favorite sayings is “Be Still and Know.” I am using that to close up the $8 hole I opened up in my expectations. Be still and know that what is for you, is for you.
There is no need to toss a dice of chance to get more quickly to any destination before my time. I will be still and know so instead, I will stay steady at busting my butt to work hard for what I want and need. Life is not merely a game of luck.
Life Untangled 