Category: Blog

Quieting the Inner Critic

The beginning of a year intimidates. It overwhelms. Well, if you let it.

We have to break the beast down to consume in smaller bites. It’s just 52 weeks and you handle it one day at a time.

The “new year, new you” and all that business should not be the focus. Yes, it’s a new year but why does it have to be a whole new you?

We should all evolve with time and so Jan 1 is not a reset on who you are or how you live.

Jan 1 is an opportunity to continue expanding on what you have already built. The project may take a different turn with a new year but no need to scrap the project altogether and start over.

I cannot, will not and did not throw away 2015 as soon as 2016 arrived. Instead I choose to build on it. It is a new 365 day journal that will have ups and downs, victories and failures. But having arrived at the beginning of the yearlong journey I cannot help but think of the saying, “How do you eat an elephant?  A: One bite at a time.”

Every year we express bewilderment in how quickly 365 days go. I was just toasting champagne at the final countdown into 2016 with what feels like 3 hours ago but in reality we are already 3 days into January.

We must mentally prepare for everything that lies ahead of us. The mind is brilliant and amazing. It works well for us but sometimes the mind seems to work against us.

We intimidate and limit ourselves at times with just our thoughts. Do you find yourself being your biggest critic? I know I do it far too often but it never does me any good.

The time I spend complaining or being critical of myself, I could be making real changes or positive impact in my life and others. I get some of it is human nature and not easy to turn off or walk away from our inner critic but we have to learn to quiet it so we can be productive.

As necessary as it is to be kind to others, it is also so important for you to be kind to yourself. You already have to fight so many battles and the courage to do so can best be found in the most trying times if you are kinder to yourself.

When the critical voice gets loud, tell it to be quiet or get lost.

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The Upcoming Year is for You so What’s Your Vision?

The activity that excites me most in this last week of the year, is creating my 2016 vision board.

I drank the kool-aid on vision boards at the end of 2014. I took the project seriously and clipped pictures and words that inspire me. I chose things that were in my mind but could actually come to life with a little effort.

I picked easy, medium and stretch goals to accomplish for the year. I have never been faithful to New Year’s Resolutions. Maybe I just always felt the pressure to pick something but somewhere 3-6 months in I would often give up on it.

Vision boards hold a little more weight to me than New Year’s Resolutions. New Year Resolutions for many are outrageous new commitments that sound good but take more sacrifice than people are willing to make. Resolutions are often short lived unfortunately but a vision is not constrained by time.

It is bigger than one year. It may include some of the same items your New Year’s Resolutions have but the mindset must be purposeful to keep your vision from fading like a trend or fad.

It builds on the concepts of past vision boards to achieve your best version of life. It can also completely switch directions throughout the year as you actively live your life. It is yours to control, create, change, update, add to, subtract from or scrap completely when needed. If you do it with the right attitude, working on your vision board will be fun, exciting and get you amped up for what is to come.

It can be about your health, finances, family, career, relationships or all those things and then some.

I want to list for you some the items from my 2015 vision board first then later will share some things that have made the cut for my 2016 vision board.

2015 Vision Board
Be Prepared • Give • Live Gloriously • Make Today Fun • Noteworthy Style • Communicate Desires Clearly • Empower the Soul • Walk Your Talk • Smart is Beautiful • Roads Less Taken • Stop Stress Before It Stops Me • Dream, Plan, Go • Relax and Reconnect • Do Something For Yourself • My Career • Dream Trip • Love My Body • Live With An Open Heart • 2015 is Mine • More Together Time • Go on, Indulge • Relax and Retreat •

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2015 has been the most fulfilling year of my life for so many reasons and I feel I owe a lot of it to creating a vision board. It sounds cheesy but I really mean it. I don’t think I would have started blogging, created Life Untangled, taken a dream holiday to Hawaii with my (no longer long-distance) boyfriend because he moved to my city this year — yay! and my family for Thanksgiving or lastly, raised enough funds to take an unexpected trip to London, England on scholarship for a Leadership Conference without a vision board this year.

I met this year with intention and I intend to continue on in my new favorite tradition.

My hope is you can use ideas from me to help you start figuring out what direction you desire for your life to head. If you don’t know where you’re going, how would you ever know if you have arrived?

A vision board can help you with that and it can roll over for however long you choose. Vision boards also make it easier to verbalize to others what you want.

2016 Vision Board
This Year is for You • Remodel Your Commute • Live Life Luxuriously • Write the Next Great Chapter in Your Life Story • Natural Girl Magic • Be Adventurous • Be Miles Away From Your Daily Routine • See the World from a Different Perspective • Namaste • Dive In Headfirst • More Than Happy • Gracious • Get Completely Lost in the Moment • Be Somebody to Lean On •

I believe that if you share your vision for your life with others, it is more likely to happen. It becomes more comfortable to talk about.

You may find yourself doing what I did this year…subconsciously look for more opportunities to fulfill parts of your vision. Others can hold you accountable and help you look for ways to achieve your vision.

With the introduction of a new year that symbolizes a fresh start for so many of us, now is the perfect time for you to start your vision board process.

I hope you’ll join me. I would love for you to share your vision boards with me. If you have any questions about what to do or how to get started, please send me a note. I am happy to help untangle things for you.

See you in 2016!!

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The Fourth Quarter: Final Countdowns on 2015

I happen to be a young lady with a fierce passion for pro football. So for sake of Sunday Night Football and my fantasy football team winning this week against a challenging opponent, embrace the analogy.

With the last 11 days left in 2015, I’d like to think of this like the 2 minute warning in football. We have had four quarters in 2015 to push our hardest.

Like me, you probably scored some touchdowns by accomplishing goals. You may have lost some yards by making mistakes or not giving your all when could have given a little more. Maybe you suffered a few too many unwelcome interceptions or turnovers when you were expecting life to be more smooth. Most importantly we all learned lessons to carry on into the next year.

Whether you feel like you’re winning or losing at this stage in the year, just remember, there will be opportunities in the new year to change the outcome if you find yourself dissatisfied. In the same breath, there will be more opportunities in the new year to be bigger and bolder than you were this year.

You will undoubtedly cycle back to some of the same opponents you battled this year and most likely will face a few new ones. Rely on those around you for support and at times you may have to dig deep and carry yourself.

When 2016 starts, it’s like kick-off all over again. You get four new quarters to make work for you. You will have an opportunity to show your strength, smarts, flexibility, independence and stamina.

The important thing in these final 2 minutes is finish strong. We have all seen those athletes who ease up off the gas right at the end because they just know they’re going to win. Then someone sneaks up in the final seconds to take the glory. Don’t Relax!

2016 is yours to command because it hasn’t happened yet. Right now you control the narrative to how this year ends and the next one begins.

May you set and break great records in your upcoming 2016 season.

See you next week to talk vision boards.

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Tailgating before Chicago Bears game

The Company We Keep

We are only as good as the company we keep.

Hopefully you choose your friends as much as they choose you so you know you are filling your space and time with people who deserve your attention but won’t drain you for it.

May you know people who live independent of you so they can fulfill their lives by accomplishing their goals and dreams yet they also have your backing and support.

We cannot escape becoming like the people we spend the majority of our time with — for better or worse. That’s why this idea of the grand importance on the company you keep matters.

Earlier this year in June, I attended a leadership conference in London on scholarship. I met the most brilliant women. Today was one of their birthdays and what caught my attention most was what someone else wrote about her. I spent just a few days with these ladies and yet we have joined up our lives together, celebrating our impact on one another.

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London
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London
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London

The post read, “This year I met some of the most amazing young people who inspired me and spurred me to action because they are already on the dance floor of life, doing some crazy samba with opportunities and resources to change the world. They believe they can and they are.”

Brilliant words from my dear friend and I wholeheartedly agree.

Over the weekend I had the great privilege of attending my friend and co-worker’s book launch.

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Book Launch
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Book Launch

She is now a published author, having just written her first book, A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict.

This is the same friend who has been featured in Ebony and (my favorite) Essence magazines. She has her own life coaching business, blog site and successfully blogs weekly for Black and Married with Kids, a very popular site with articles on relationships and parenting.

She is accomplishing so many goals I have and I am completely blessed to be close enough to watch and learn.

The other company I keep includes song writing award-winning producers, engineers, project managers, therapists, entrepreneurs, actors, artists, writers, designers, faithful husbands and wives, strong mothers and fathers, people going back to school for bachelors and masters and doctorate degrees. Those going back to achieve that GED they may need to propel their education and career forward.

I want the achievers, innovators, collaborators, those who are honorable and have intergrity.

I can look up to these people in my life. I  can be motivated and challenged by them. I can ask them questions to help me navigate my own path and best support them on theirs. I can soak up the good vibes, watch, listen, learn, do.

I don’t limit myself to only engaging people with uber established careers either. BUT I want people who exist in the mindset of moving forward. Medocrity and stagnation is a curse when you have control to make better things happen.

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Chicago Business Leader Meeting

They say if you are the smartest person in your group then you need a new group. I agree and am grateful for people in my life I can teach something to and learn something from.

What kind of company do you keep?

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Friend visiting Chicago
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Chicago Fundraiser

Birthday Reflections: Another Year Older, Wiser, Bolder

Today is my birthday! It has been a great weekend filled with doing all the things I wanted to do. It was the perfect mix of fun and rest.

Every year people give well wishes on the next year to come as you reflect on the year you had.

Today when I looked at all the messages, calls, pictures I received, I felt great. This was a satisfying, dynamic year for me. I accomplished many personal and professional goals. I traveled more than I expected. I feel good about the 365 days since my last birthday.

I cracked my world wide open when I chose to become bold. I am proud I did so without losing myself. I believe the better you know yourself and take care of yourself, more doors of opportunity open. This year was a major year of growth. I made my mistakes. I learned my lessons. I embraced the good with the bad.

My next birthday will be another age milestone. Ending the decade long relationship with my 20s will be something to celebrate even though it will be sad in some ways.

Cheers to 365 more days until the next reflection. May your 365 be filled with just the right amount of lessons and mistakes to make you older, wiser and bolder.

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Wake Up and Live

It is a great week to give thanks. I am especially thankful for the holiday to spend with my loved ones. We decided to take a vacation for the holiday this year. More on that next week.

This year has been full of fun, adventure, challenge and change. I have taken on a lot of mottos this year. I have lots of resolutions. I have set and accomplished many goals. I have set and failed at others. All lessons learned with grace and an open mind.

Wake Up and Live is an important one. It is so valuable to be a person of action.  It is much better and far more rewarding to actively live this life we have instead of passively waiting for life to happen for us.

Monday evening signals the beginning of my vacation. I get to take a break from the regular rhythms of everyday life. It will be a mental and physical vacay. It is so timely and welcomed.

To enjoy life, we have to get out of our own way sometimes. We have to chill on the status updates and work emails. We have to give ourselves a chance to live the fulfilling life we actually desire.

I plan to re-energize, relax and recoup this week. Each morning is a new day to wake up and live. What will you do with it?

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Use Your Words: Finding Courage to Break Through the Noise

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One of my favorite sayings is “Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.” This Maggie Kuhn quote happens to be one of my favorite sayings because I am still at the beginning of my journey in sharing my thoughts out loud.

I repeat that quote to myself whether  concerning verbal communication or my written communication.

I typically think far more than I speak. I always have. Since powering through Susan Cain’s brilliant book, Quiet recently, I have learned more about the strength in my introversion.

I no longer have to feel weird or out of place or ashamed with the fact that I think and listen more than I speak. I happen to believe it is my gift.

That being said however, life is best with balance. I have learned to get more comfortable in sharing my thoughts aloud. I still struggle with this and it is a progressive work. It is not my main strength. Regardless, I have always been drawn to the power of words.

I love learning how and why people communicate to each in certain ways. Writing is a special way to express my unique thoughts with a wide and vast audience. It gives a viewing window inside my head and life.

Writing helps me to collect and deliver my thoughts in a way that resonates with others. Blogging was so intimidating at first. I had blogged one time before while studying and traveling abroad in Nicaragua and Costa Rica for 5 months.

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Blogging then seemed simple because I just shared what my experiences were like but the common theme of traveling and taking on new experiences bonded every post together. People enjoyed reading and seeing both something new and familiar through my eyes.

When I came back to exploring a new blog, I talked myself out of it many times. How could I add something new to the conversation?

I decided that every week I would speak the truth I live. Sometimes it may be comical, sometimes serious, sometimes simple, sometimes complex, sometimes exhilarating, sometimes sad, sometimes eye-opening, sometimes maddening but always spoken in truth.

Inside Out Leadership

Leadership starts with self. At the beginning of 2015, I created a vision board filled with hopes and dreams and goals for the year.

At the end of this year I will post more on where I stand with that list. Whenever I look at that list I don’t feel overwhelmed by it. I don’t feel pressured by it.

My vision board actually motivates me and propels me forward. Achieving things on the list is not important just so I have things to talk about. Achieving items on the list means I am proactively living my life. I am taking the lead in my own life and that is something to get really excited about.

At first I was really nervous about putting my vision into pictures and words that others could see and hold me accountable for.

What I have found along the way is that I have pursued my vision without check-ins. I needed the visual for me so I could actively look for opportunities to fulfill my vision.

Before I can impact the world, society, my community, my work or my family/friends, I have to start with myself.

If I keep myself solid and in check, I will be able to achieve what I want to achieve. I will be able to motivate and empower myself so I can turn and help others down the line. I have to lead from the inside out so I do not get lost trying to help someone else.

What do you do to develop “Inside Out” leadership in yourself?

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What Would You Love To Achieve As A Trailblazer?

The definition of a trailblazer according to the Webster dictionary is “1. A person who makes, does or discovers something new and makes it acceptable or popular. 2. A person who marks or prepares a trail through a forest or field for other people to follow.”

When we think of trailblazers our minds rattle off names of people throughout history who made humongous impact.

We then compare and always feel to fall short of those pioneers but the reality is it is possible to trailblaze in your everyday life. Creating consistent impact in the day-to-day is how you eventually make humongous impact in your legacy.

I know for me I have always said, I too, want to pioneer. I want to trailblaze. What I have begun to realize is that I am trailblazing by creating goals and dreams and being brave enough to follow them.

People shy away too quickly from the term trailblazer because they think they need to be more or do more.

I say if you find yourself in a forest or a field and you are marking a trail for people to follow — welcome to the Trailblazer club.

In June of this year, I was fortune enough to win scholarship and attend a conference in London on Trailblazing Leadership. Dr. Sam Collins of the Aspire Foundation broke down Trailblazing Leadership for us women in the audience and made it believable and attainable.

I have now been blogging for 6 months. I began in April as preparation for the international leadership conference where I knew I would gain even more tools and ideas.

Having entered into the final quarter of 2015, I have taken additional inventory on my vision board accomplishments.
I am taking stock of what I have done and looking ahead to what new goals can I create.  In another month, I will begin putting together my vision board for 2016.

There may be some things that roll over and some fresh goals. For example, I know that I want to travel even more and help more people on topics of self-awareness and self-love through my writing and speaking. I also want to help my talented family with the business plans for their personal entrepreneurial projects.

How can you become a Trailblazer?

1. Be an activist of your own life

2. Be an activist of your own career

3. Know you can make a difference

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Sportsmanlike Conduct: My Weekend in Indy

An annual tradition of mine is to go to a Chicago Bears football game at Soldier Field.

I wake up early — layer up to face the unkind brisk Chicago winds that cannot help but exist this time of year — and prepare for a day immersed in football.

Tailgating usually begins about 8am for me. Show up early to grab a solid parking spot, unload the grill and meats and cigars and brews with friends and family.

We have Chicago Bears tents, Bears blankets, Bears chairs, Bears hoodies and even Bears grill gear. We eat and enjoy the company of our fellow tailgating neighbors. Chicago Bears football tailgating is a perfect community gathering spot.

When it’s time to pack up so we don’t miss kick-off, thousands of hardcore (and I’m sure a decent mix of fair weather fans) march in solidarity towards our very own Soldier Field.

It’s a tradition and a fun one. This year we altered it a little to see what else is out there.

On Saturday afternoon, I loaded into a car with a few members of my family and headed for Downtown Indianapolis.

My teenage niece who I wrote about last Sunday is a Indianapolis Colts fan. Don’t ask me how it happened. None of us know and even her story isn’t convincing.

Regardless, when we came around to picking a game this year, at first we thought about traveling to see our Bears in another city. We were going to take our show on the road. Then because we usually pick a game around the same time every year, we decided to really go outside the box. We chose the Colts v. New Orleans Saints.

My niece is the reason we ended up in Indy this weekend. We wanted to give her a live chance to cheer for her team.

I’ll be honest I went through the seven stages of grief when I realized we had no plans to see our Bears this year. I really didn’t hit acceptance until Friday night when I was packing to leave.

But I love football. I also have a Fantasy Football League roster that makes any NFL game a little more fun even if my Bears aren’t playing. Chicago also had a bye week so I could rest easy not feeling like I might be cheating on my home team.

I have not been to Indy for several years but I must say, I had a blast. We stayed right downtown at the Hyatt Regency which was a gorgeous hotel in the middle of all the action.

We enjoyed a great meal at the Colts Grille, listened to live Blues music at The Slippery Noodle on Saturday night and got to do a light version of our regular tailgating tradition before game kick-off on Sunday.

There was a healthy mix of Colts and Saints representation throughout the weekend. For anyone who watched the game, the Saints won but everyone stayed mostly cordial. 

Lucas Oil Stadium is really impressive. The energy between Andrew Luck and the boys with the fans in the stands was unlike anything I have seen at Soldier Field.

In and through it all, we met great people this weekend. Folks were kind and hospitable everywhere we went.

For example, we went to pay cover for the Blues bands and it was $10/person. The doorman let four of us get in for $20 instead of $40. That’s how you make a positive, lasting impression.

In the future, we will probably stick to our home team games but it was great to try something new and different. It was cool to see opposing fans interact when you have no real stake to claim.

Indy I am excited to say I’ll be back and it is because of the experience you gave me. I am surprised to say I really enjoyed myself.

If I had to throw a flag on the plays this weekend, it would be to thank you for your sportsmanlike conduct. Especially because I wore all my Chicago Bears stuff proudly in your city and wasn’t chastised for it.

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