Category: Blog

My Gym Romance

For the past couples months I have been pretty faithfully attending the gym. It’s shocking really. I have done so faithfully because my boyfriend pushes me and trains me when we get there.

On days when I just want to go out and order a dozen buffalo wings and chill in front of a tv, I balance with days at the gym or getting some workout in. It has not been easy all the time but so worth it.

I choose to step out on my tv nights to build my love affair with the gym. My boyfriend has been incredibly supportive on this journey. It feels good to pick a healthy activity together to make ourselves better. 

We used to do our own things in the gym and he would leave exhausted and I wouldn’t even be sweating. I wasn’t challenging myself and building up any kind of endurance. I was more than happy with 20 half-assed minutes on an elliptical while watching some ridiculous show. 

Now having an accountability partner, I am building muscle and endurance, helping my heart, mind and body get stronger all the time. I literally do every thing he already planned to do on his own, just at a lighter weight. We have different days to focus on different muscles and some days are the hardest thing ever. That feeling though to push past what you think you can do, is the most liberating feeling. 

Getting all that excess energy out is a stress reliever. It slows down the brain busyness because I have to concentrate on not hurting myself or dying in the gym. It’s perfect for draining me to get a good night’s sleep. 

I am not good at everything though so I also learn lessons in being patient with myself.

I used to be nervous I was holding my guy back in the gym and I would look goofy holding 2 or 5 lb weights doing my thing but I focus on myself and him only. He taught me to track my progress and I have seen true change in my appetite for more. Now I can push the limits and it feels good.

Our gym routine is also another great positive way for us to build our connection with one another. A couple that works out and sweats together can learn to conquer so many other things in life together. We lean on and trust each other as we mold our weakness into strength and share vulnerability in our health and wellness journey. 

I used to tell people that I refused to pay for a gym membership for things I can do at home. Before my guy moved to Chicago, I used to do more workouts on my own. I would pull up YouTube on my tv and do yoga right in my living room. Whatever works is worth it if you work it. 

If you have been telling yourself you need to work on getting fit or back in the gym, start as soon as you can. If you don’t think you will stick to it alone, find yourself an accountability partner like I did. 

Now I force myself to take more opportunities during the day to walk. Instead of taking the bus home which is closer, I often walk to the train which is a few blocks further and gets my heart pumping. As a city girl, I walk fast so more activity is better to really get my blood flowing. 

Life is simply too fragile and short not to take care of ourselves. My next step is really examining my diet because I LOVE to eat and 83% is not healthy lol. 

For now I will continue my love affair with the gym. 

National Sister’s Day

Today I celebrated National Sister’s Day. I didn’t even know that was a thing until recently. 

I love some of these random days to enjoy the little things in life. They have national ice cream day, national friendship day, national poem day. There is something to celebrate every single day of the year. 

This post will be short so I can get back to the company of my friends and sisters but what ladies in your life could use a little love from you? Maybe a hello, a smile, a laugh, a call, a card, a coffee, an ice cream or a brunch date? 

I went to brunch today with my actual sisters but celebrating things like national sister day can include the more general sister definition of just a lady in your life. Your sisters might include your family, friends and any other lady who could use a spirit uplift from your kindness. It might be a a lady you admire or have fun with or someone you call mom even. 

Who could use an extra dose of your attention this week?

Share the love in the spirit of National Sister’s Day! 

Cry It Out

When was the last time you had a good cry? 

It could have been a result of pent up frustration, stress or sadness. I even cry sometimes when I’m happy or overwhelmed with emotions because of something really touching I see or hear. 

Sometimes shedding a tear is the only way you can express what’s going on, when there are no words. Of course, don’t take the extreme and cry all the time at every drop of a hat. 

Sunday morning I spent some time at church…but first I strugggggled. 

I woke up groggy and congested. I had to wake up earlier than usual because I committed to attending an orientation about opportunities to volunteer. The bus was going to make me late so I tried hailing a cab which wasn’t working so I called an Uber but canceled at the last second because a cab did come. I didn’t feel like going to church. I didn’t feel like doing anything but catch up on more sleep. I didn’t want to go at all. At all. 

This morning because I woke up on a side of the bed feeling some kind of way, I decided to Spotify me some gospel music while I showered and got ready. I wasn’t in the mood to take the day on yet but sometimes you  just need to plant the seeds for the atmosphere you want anyway.  Yolanda Adams and Fred Hammond helped me change my mind about some things. I jumped into the day more grateful and contemplative. 

Music is such a powerful tool. Not just worship music. 

I spent a lot of time today listening to music today and creating a peaceful space in my own. As I write this, I have Pandora spilling tracks from Chance the Rapper, Drake and Kendrick Lamar, real conscious lyricists. 

Anyways back to this morning. Towards the end of the church service, the band went back to the stage to lead a few songs. One in particular really touched me and I became overwhelmed with emotion. 

Eyes closed, I sang and listened with silent tears streaming down my face. It didn’t last much longer than 3 or 4 minutes. I just let the magnitude of what I felt like the words were saying to me in that moment, take over. I began to reflect that sometimes I am exactly where I need to be. Not just physically in that building this morning but in life generally. 

Days of feeling tired, stressed or overwhelmed affects us all. Maybe more than we would care to admit. Sometimes life feels like you’re in control and have kiddie-pool size issues going on. Sometimes life feels like you are wading in the ocean during shark week. 

At times you may look around like, “How does it all connect?” or “Why is (fill in the blank) happening?”

The song I heard this morning felt hopeful and confirmed I may resist at times but I am exactly where I need to be.

At this point in my life, I give myself permission to feel all my feelings. Truth, honesty and authenticity from myself, to myself is key to me. 

This morning I needed a good cry and under the direction of powerful music, I let some things go. I cry when I am thankful for blessings or also in times I feel like life is really testing me. Crying was therapeutic and a way to recognize, release and move forward with a clear mind. 

When my loved ones have lost jobs or found new jobs, have health scares and just try to figure out what life has for them in relation to the relationships in and around their lives, I share in what they are feeling. Sometimes they need a good cry too for the blessings and the pain. 

This song “Oceans” is what did it for me:

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise my soul will rest in your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and you won’t start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior


Even if you don’t shed a tear, what is something you need to release and let go of physically or emotionally?  

Stop, Breathe & Think: 3 Lessons in Mindfulness

Last week I downloaded this great app to assist in daily meditation. I think using time during the day to meditate is so important to wholeness and wellness. I read, pray, practice yoga, listen to music to stimulate my mind and enjoy times of silence and reflection to focus my energy and thoughts on keeping calm and stress-free as often as possible. 

Stress can truly devastate one’s mental and physical state if you don’t have things in place to de-stress on a regular basis. Helpful (not harmful) habits can create a personal space for you to thrive and let that energy radiate into the pieces and parts of your life that need you to be “on your game” at work and home.

A few months ago I was finding my health being affected by stress. When the stress started to affect my mind and body I knew I had to get back to the basics and re-instate some regular practices I had let fall off. I paid closer attention to what I was eating. I started to do a weekly gym routine and came back to practicing yoga and meditating more regularly.

In the past I have used the Headspace app and I would recommend it. Their concept is 10 minutes is all you need and they have exercises daily. Meditation and mindfulness have a lot of benefits for you and those around you. 

Think about how many people around you, you wish would spend time working on themselves so they wouldn’t drive you crazy. Haha. By taking time for yourself, you can control how you act and react in the world around you. It can make a big difference, trust me. 

I also like Stop, Breathe & Think because there are meditations of different lengths. I used it this week on my morning commute to work. I played one after another and spent time relaxing my mind before jumping into the day. It was very empowering.

Stop, Breathe & Think  is a simple tool to guide people through meditations for mindfulness and compassion. 

According to the app you can accomplish 3 things: 
1. STOP

Stop what you are doing. Check in with what you are thinking, and how you are feeling.


2. BREATHE 

Practice mindful breathing to create space between your thoughts, emotions and reactions.


3.THINK

Learn to broaden your perspective and strengthen your force field of peace and calm by practicing one of the meditations.


Would you agree doing these 3 things more would help you too? I would love to hear other suggestions in the comments on what helps you. 

What do you use to refresh and rejuvenate your body and mind?
 

Unleash your Power for Purpose

A little over two years ago I read an Essence magazine that talked about creating vision boards and really declaring what you want in your life. I cut out lots of words and images of encouraging and empowering reminders of the positive things I wanted to attract more of in my life. 

After one year, I was totally a believer in the power of vision boards. They created the exact effect I wanted. The vision board itself didn’t make me achieve goals and hit milestones though, it provided visual and mental reminders of where I wanted to be. I still think the craziest part is I started seeing my vision come alive from year to year. 

I created a new one last year and just 7 months in, I’m amazed. Now, my life is not perfect. I am not perfect. The world around me is not perfect however when you can flip the switch to get what you want and need out of life, it feels good whenever there is a chance to celebrate the big and little moments. I have been blessed and fortunate enough in several areas to celebrate. It helps then when other areas seem to fall apart or begin to rip at the seams. I know there is something beyond the mountains of life. 

When I look at statements on my 2016 vision board like…“Write the Next Great Chapter in Your Life Story” and “Enhance Your Career” and “It’s time I make a bold move and Own it,” or “Choose Love” and “Find Your Own Paradise,” it just gets real when I consider what is happening in my life these days. 

I have enhanced my career and made fun life moves along side the man I love. I am full into the adventure God has for me. 

I may not have my life exactly planned and my purpose may not always be clear. Perhaps you have felt the same when you are not sure the ‘why’ for what is happening around you. Living in our world right now, there feels the need to perpetually ask, “Why?” 

But in partnership with that question, I also must ask, “What can I do better to live in my purpose?” My decisions and my realm of influence can open doors and minds and opportunities for who knows what. Part of my purpose is to be light and share love which can drive out darkness and hate and all the unwanted. Being in my purpose I can attract positivity, success and the right kind of challenges to prep me for my next level. It may not always be easy but it can be worth it. 

I am a couple decades into creating my legacy and determining how I will leave this earth better than I found it by owning my purpose in my own way.

I hope for you that you have the courage to be who you are meant to be and the consistent inspiration to dream, provide, advise, explore, confess, organize, support, dance, laugh, love and love again as you move through life and unleash your power for purpose. 

My Weekend with Yogi Bear

I love every opportunity to take a break and refresh. 

This weekend I took off with my family for a quick camping trip. We stayed in tents and cabins at the family-friendly Yogi Bear Campgrounds. Yes it was at times more glamping (glamour camping) than anything but we had such a blast. 

We spent a ton of time talking, laughing and actively out and about the campgrounds having fun. 

Most of the area is a cell-phone dead zone so we spent little time engrossed in our timelines and more time together.

I went fishing for the first time. We kayaked and paddle-boated. We had a pork rib cook-off complete with taste testers. I was a judge and my vote lost. We had people playing cards and dominoes, basketball and mini-golfing. We even got to be in a parade.

It is always a nice change of pace when you can keep occupied without the aid of tv, electronic devices and netflix. We really had one of the best, most relaxing, care-free weekends we have had in a while. 

I hope you make time to do the same in your life. We certainly aren’t getting any younger. 

Let the Mud Settle

June has been an interesting month. This June has certainly contained its share of ups and downs, twists and turns. Many good days, a few stressful ones. Perhaps you feel the same.

Every now and again we all might feel we could row in the same boat. We share how busy we are or stressed. We are all going through something at any given moment.

Saturday morning I did not feel like dragging myself out of bed to exercise. I wanted to sleep in. I wanted to rest and spend my morning doing nothing.

But on the other hand, I cannot talk about how I want my health to be good while I ignore opportunities to make it better.

Though I arrived a few minutes late, I made it to Yoga and then stayed for Pilates.

It was so hot out I just wanted to lay on my mat in the shade instead of sweat in the sun. I pushed past that mental block for most moves and it eventually felt good to be out there working.

The yoga teacher said something during our practice yesterday that resonated so loud I had to write it down following our final relaxation pose when we wrapped up for the day.

She said “Do you have enough patience to let the mud settle until the water runs clear?”

If you have never practiced the art of yoga, it is about slowing down and being concious in mind, body and spirit. It gives you a chance to settle and focus…hit reset. You spend a lot of time breathing and moving quietly.

You might say but I know how to breath already. I’m alive. I would challenge there is a difference between breathing to stay alive and breathing to feel alive.

When your mind is clear and you have a chance to pause all the stuff you have to think about, worry about or do, you get a better chance to actively participate in your life. You can feel more alive when you remove the extra distractions.

Her statement resonated with me because through good and bad news, on easy and tough days, I can be quick to make moves, focus too hard on the details, lose the big picture (or do just the opposite), freak out or jump to conclusions without letting the mud settle.

Sometimes things are easier to manage when you give the sediment, crap and muck time to settle to the bottom or get out of the way so you can get clean, clear water. Then you can think straight, see straight and make decisions that help you. It takes patience and work.

So what is the next thing you’re fighting to achieve? Waiting on? Praying for? Need clarity concerning? And…are you willing to let the mud settle?

What do you need to practice your patience on this week?

image

Phoneless Part 2: Be Careful What You Wish For

Following my post last week, all I can say is Be Careful What You Wish For!

Though I definitely did mean everything I said about the importance of putting down the phone and being present, I had no clue I would have a real-time test on it.

Just this past Wednesday, a mere 3 days after I wrote last Sunday’s post, my phone broke. It was physically damaged and I couldn’t connect a charger to it.

My phone is a little over a year old on a 2 year contract. I have been having issues lately with the phone losing battery charge quickly. The second I wasn’t able to charge it, I just knew it would be dead in a matter of hours and I had no plan.

I hit this unexpected bump. I would not be able to make or receive calls. I was nervous I would lose all my apps, photos, and maps. I use a lot of things in my phone to help me navigate the day. I actually am still nervous much of my info was lost even though my provider claimed to backup everything.

By Thursday morning, my phone was dead. I had called customer support the night before and spoke with three people. Only two of which were helpful. I made an appointment to go in a store Thursday after work but that guy was the worst so far. He did not answer my questions or explain my options. Needless to say I was wildly frustrated at this point.

What seemed to make it more stressful was I had plans to take a cross-country roadtrip for the weekend to attend a wedding. What if I needed to reach out to someone? Or they needed me? How would I know where to go?

I really wanted to have my phone for practical and safety reasons. I cane home Thursday and my boyfriend could just tell he needed to step in and help me out. He calmed me down and agreed to walk with me to our local phone store where I could get some answers and have a plan. I love that.

It was the first employee to be kind, empathetic and truly helpful in that store. In that moment I could see the true spirit of great customer service. Oh boy, how people treat one another makes such a difference in this world.

She thoroughly explained my options. She discussed how to file a claim and request a replacement phone be shipped overnight hopefully in time for my trip. She gave me a tip to temporarily transfer service to an old phone on the account so I could at least have access for my trip. I appreciate good people.

Unfortunately the phone did not arrive before the trip so I was pretty limited on the road. My old phone also dies quickly so I used it for basic things. I didn’t spend my weekend on social media or taking photos. I was able to completely focus on being present and not just there. Though frustrating at times, it was all the things I spoke about last week.

When I returned home and got the package, I was annoyed to open the package and see no battery or charger was included. I had to call the insurance company so the can ship the missing products which won’t arrive for a few days.

At this point I am no longer frustrated to tears. I can only laugh because it all seems so ridiculous now. Mainly in retrospect I appreciated the experience. I adapted and feel silly such a simple change threw me for such a loop. God had jokes this week. That’s why sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for!

Have a great week. See you next Sunday!

image

Smartphone Free is Freedom

Recently, I joined two friends for dinner and drinks. Just before we linked up, my phone died so I left it charging nowhere near me.

My two friends spent much of the night engrossed in their emails and facebooks and instagrams, incessantly scrolling.  Not the least bit interested or engaged in the live in-person conversations I was trying to have.

Thus I spent much of the evening people watching…quietly. On the one hand I was wanting to demand we pay attention to each other and oh the other hand feeling like why bother? If I have to fight for their attention, they don’t really want to give it to me.

The most surprising thing was actually feeling free without my phone. No apps to open, no texts to respond to, no calls, no emojis, no notifications. I didn’t even want my phone back.

I rarely am without my phone and charger at any given moment. It made me realize how I make others feel when I’m disengaged and solely phone concious. I need to drop my phone in my bag sometimes and forget about it.

Of course later that night upon returning to my phone with a few more percents in battery life, I was back in the addiction. I saw no faces and heard no voices.

What can I do to be more present?

I actually wrote about this when going through a personal and professional goal setting course a few years ago. I wrote SMART goals about my life. Be Present. Huge challenge still.

Our digital lifestyles sometimes neglect our need for true human interaction. We need to disconnect to connect more.

I find myself wrapped up in my phone on my daily commute while riding the train. Some days it’s nice to limit screen time and just look out the window, read a magazine or check out the newspaper.

I certainly don’t feel guilty about accessing and using the helpful tool that is my phone. It’s wonderful but there are times when I can do more by being present in the moment with people.

How many other things in life might I be missing by not putting my phone down?

These days we are less connected with our endless connections. Remember that when you find yourself so enticed by your phone screen that the world passes you by. Some days put the phone down and be free.

image
Standing at Millennium Park Fountains in Chicago

Right to R.E.A.L Love: How to Make a Relationship Last, Episode 3

Here it is! The final episode of my series on the Right to R.E.A.L Love radio podcast.

In this episode, Jay and I wrap up our discussion to address the question: What can we do to ensure that our relationships last?

We leave you with these key takeaways:

1. Why our relationships can only be as healthy as we are

2. Ways to make a relationship last

In this episode and episode 2 we talk a little more about resources and books that can be helpful to couples.

Supporting your partner in the relationship you commit to is so important. You should do everything you can to learn about your significant other. You can lean on each other and learn from each other to make your relationship last. I am so happy to have the right kind of support in my relationship. Our great love and friendship for each other keeps our bond strong. It feels amazing to be so confident in what I have and who I share it with. 

image

Be sure to also look up these books we mentioned during the series that can help you.

1. A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex, and Conflict by Tiya Cunningham-Sumter

2. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman

3. Purpose and Power of Love and Marriage by Dr. Myles Munroe

4. Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men by Dr. Myles Munroe. There is also a counterpart book for Understanding the Purpose and Power of Woman.

What other relationship books would you recommend? Please leave a comment below and share with us what has helped you.

Whether married or not, there are key relationship lessons to learn and take with us in life. This podcast was aimed at singles but does not mean married couples cannot gain knowledge or insight. I have heard many times from married people that the best time to prepare for marriage is before you’re married. I’m certain life does not become easier just because you’re married. Same as it’s not necessarily a walk in the park if you are single and dating or in a long-term committed relationship. No matter the stage or time put into a relationship, it takes work.

What are you bringing to the table and what do you need your partner to bring to the table to make your relationship last and your love grow deep and wide?

Hopefully during this series, my first radio podcast, you learned something and gained some insight on how to make your current or future relationships last.

Remember to have fun with each other, show respect, have trust and give each other the space you need to make your love grow over time. May your relationships last for several seasons and develop in its purpose.

The more you communicate with one another about where you are and where you are going, the easier it is to know if the relationship is right for you. Remember everything has its own time.

Listen to episode 3 here:

392: How to Make a Relationship Last (Part 3)