Fighting For What You Believe In: How Big Is Your Brave?

Whenever you stand for a cause, raise your voice in connection to an issue or movement, pick a side, there will always be opposition.

When you have a cause that does not hurt others, the next step is figuring out how to get others to care. There will be those who do care automatically because the same issue may be close to their hearts but how can you appeal to people who just do not agree?

I wholeheartedly believe that in order to make true, lasting change in this world, you cannot strong arm your point.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

People argue all the time when they feel so strongly in how right they are and the person they feel is wrong just needs to see, believe and follow.

Last summer, I flew to London for the Aspire Foundation, Trailblazing Leadership conference. It was one of the single most impactful and inspiring trips I have had in my life.

Even months later, I am still practicing and preaching what I learned. I still go over my event notes and reflect on the goals I set during that event and get excited about the goals I made progress on. 

One page in my notes inspired today’s post. Session 6 of the event was titled “The M.A.D. Leadership Movement.” M.A.D. stands for Making A Difference.

That session was led by Brita Schmidt, Exceutive Director of Women for Women International. She talked about her challenges traveling the world and having difficult conversations with people who do not see the value in equality for women. She also talked about how necessary those challenges are in order to make a difference and achieve the goals to achieve equality in nations all over the world.

Brita has outstanding energy and passion for what she does. It is easy to talk about your passion with like-minded people but how do you keep that same passion and impact those who do not care?

Brita talked really practically about how we could make differences in our own respectives movements. Your movement could be gender, wage or racial equality. Your movement could be linked to education, the arts, workforce development, the criminal justice system, environmental issues or whatever you are passionate about getting others to care about too.

Brita talked about sometimes needing to dial down her energy and meet people where they are before turning up the volume up by a little. It is important to:

1. Know Your Audience
She talked about having to discuss why people should care about what she was fighting for. She would try to discuss women equality in nations where that is not the norm or with powerful business investers who were men and wanted to see the numbers over hearing the powerful life stories of the women she worked with and wanting change because of that.

Brita had to know her audience and use that to build their trust of her and thus her influence with them. She had to gain their respect and offer solutions instead of just telling them they were wrong and she was right. She did not change her passionate message but sometimes had to package it differently. Have you ever needed to do that? 

In countries where it is difficult, Brita might appeal to the men with training, resources and ideas that are helping them see the value in treating women equally without directly disrespecting traditions or values. When she meets with men who will ignore her emotional stories, she prepares the reports and numbers so she can still provide the stories but in a form that grants her an audience with the policy and changemakers.

Sometimes it is necessary to be creative about making a difference if you want to be taken seriously.

The other big thing to remember is:

2. Be Patient
When we see the need for change whether at work, at home, major worldly injustices or anything else, patience is required. To right injustices, seeds of justice must be planted and cultivated to outgrow the injustices. When the new tree is mature, it can no longer give root to what came before it.

I want it to happen overnight too. But it won’t even when you have waited far too long already.

3. Be the Change You Wish to See
Take action today.

“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. …We need not wait to see what others do.”

Mahatma Gandhi

In this world today there is a lot of hurt. Hurt people, hurt people. A lot of little changes would make all the difference. There will always be opposition but when there is opportunity to make change, take it and include others along with you.

Every chance to make the world a more thoughtful, safe and welcoming place will increase your brave. May you always be brave and wise enough to navigate the complicated streets we all live on.

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Oakley Fight Club

Life Is Not A Game Of Luck: What I Learned From Losing $1.6 Billion

So unless you have been living under a rock in the US, you have probably heard about the insane Powerball jackpot that kept rising and rising.

We now have news that at the highest powerball in history, there were 3 winning tickets pulled last week.

As the jackpot grew so did the eyes and greed of anyone who could throw $2 as many times as possible towards a ticket.

I, too, fell for the hype. I brought 3 tickets when the Powerball was about $400-something million. I did not even fully understand if I bought the tickets right but that did not matter. I was part of the gold rush of it all. I did not win of course after that so I said, screw it. Clearly gambling my future with 6 numbers is not for me.

A few days later when the jackpot rose, my work comrades had joined forces to buy a ticket for everyone in the pool. If one ticket in the group won we would split it evenly which at the time amounted to something like $47 million each.

I refused for days until I was like, what if they do win and I turn out to be the sucker who lost a chance at $47 mil over $2? I drank the peer pressure kool-aid and joined the crowd, thinking maybe we had a real shot. Statistically though, the chances were like 1 in 175 million at least. The office energy around it was high and fun.

I normally would not do a group thing but my co-workers are amazing, trustworthy, honest human beings and I knew the chances of us being on The First 48 due to a lottery winner snapping off, was low. This was the right crew to do business with. I was on the ready to call my student loan providers to settle all my college debt fully and finally. I was skeptical of really winning but wanted it for all of us. It was fun to take a chance.

That’s the thing, it’s taking a chance. I lost $8 total in my first and last Powerball craze but some people spend $500, $100K or much more for just a shot…a chance to go big or go home. Unfortunately, almost everyone ends up at home looking sour in the face.

We want to believe we might have gotten the magic touch that day and this will be the one to change everything. I want to believe in the magic too and wish if I wished hard enough, things I want would just happen.

Maybe they don’t because the chances are too slim and they always have been. Maybe they don’t because what I think I want won’t be as satisfying if it comes without earning and preparing for it. Maybe they don’t because life just doesn’t work like that.

I hope the people who did win the lottery have their priorities in order and respect the immense life alteration they fell into. I hope they are not ravaged by those around them and will maintain dignity. I hope they gain wisdom and lose vultures. I hope it adds good to their lives and they do not end up poor, unfortunate souls who gave up their privacy and life for fame and fortune.

We all know money is necessary and nice to have more than enough but money itself does not bring joy. If you do not have joy without money, you probably will not find much long-lasting happiness with it either. 

One of my favorite sayings is “Be Still and Know.” I am using that to close up the $8 hole I opened up in my expectations. Be still and know that what is for you, is for you.

There is no need to toss a dice of chance to get more quickly to any destination before my time. I will be still and know so instead, I will stay steady at busting my butt to work hard for what I want and need. Life is not merely a game of luck.

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Tell Me Your Story: Getting to Know Humanity One Tale at a Time

I always find myself wondering people’s stories.

When I meet someone new, I would rather jump right in. That’s probably the introvert in me. If you want to keep my attention in conversation, let’s talk about something with meaning. Leave the surface level topics for someone else.

Even when I meet up with friends or family, instead of asking, “How are you?” which never gets me anywhere near the truth, I would rather ask, “What’s your story?” or “Tell me something new.”

And the story always changes right? The story is ever evolving. I want to know whatever you’re willing to share.

I am eager to hear what lessons you have learned that could help me or anyone. I wonder how many would tell me if I asked questions like this. Like the stranger sitting next to me on the bus. I know asking in such a setting is not encouraged. Or what about that person on the street who intrigues me for one reason or another. What’s your story?

In a humorous way, I see myself walking through the streets like that random guy in Pretty Woman. What’s your dream??

Sometimes I just want to switch it up from Hi, how are you? Too many generic answers with no depth or truth or honesty most times. I hate that I do it too. It is such a habit to reply GOOD or FINE. What happens when we actually have a real answer but the asker already moved on?

So I love the work I do helping unemployed job seekers find work. The company culture of my office relies heavily on the power of stories.

We start every morning with a time of sharing stories in a daily meeting called Motivations. There is a new topic every day and the topic never allows anyone the chance to keep things surface level. The purpose of sharing a story in Motivations is to touch, move and inspire the group with your experience.

It helps energize everyone, gives a glimpse into your life and helps us relate more to one another. It builds community in our fast-paced work culture.

I think one of our challenges in the world today is we do not share enough with each other. We can use a lesson in walking in other people’s shoes to understand that their struggles, challenges, fears, anxieties, loves, joys, etc may not be so different from yours.

At the basic human level, we can share so much. We choose not to and instead build walls in an attempt to never welcome an “other” into our world.

Instead when we share, though our stories may still differ on many levels, we find a way to empathize and connect with one another in new ways. I do not have to live your life or have gone through all of your experiences but I can be impacted by your story.

I remember years ago I was in a grocery store line and an older couple was checking out in front of me. They said something to the cashier about being married over 60 years. So I started asking questions. Curiousity got the best of me and I was fascinated by their story.

I want to learn from the people around me as much as I can. I can only learn from people if they are willing to share with me.

Last year I was introduced to the StoryCorps organization and app. It is a cool way to capture recorded stories of anyone. You can ask them questions you create or use a pre-made list. It is a great way to do what I spent this whole post enouraging…hearing people’s stories.

I used my mom as my first subject after I downloaded the app. I learned so much more about her in just the 20 minute interview and it was inspiring and moving. I look forward to asking many more questions and learning plenty more from all those around me. I hope you will consider taking up the challenge.

So, what’s your story?

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Quieting the Inner Critic

The beginning of a year intimidates. It overwhelms. Well, if you let it.

We have to break the beast down to consume in smaller bites. It’s just 52 weeks and you handle it one day at a time.

The “new year, new you” and all that business should not be the focus. Yes, it’s a new year but why does it have to be a whole new you?

We should all evolve with time and so Jan 1 is not a reset on who you are or how you live.

Jan 1 is an opportunity to continue expanding on what you have already built. The project may take a different turn with a new year but no need to scrap the project altogether and start over.

I cannot, will not and did not throw away 2015 as soon as 2016 arrived. Instead I choose to build on it. It is a new 365 day journal that will have ups and downs, victories and failures. But having arrived at the beginning of the yearlong journey I cannot help but think of the saying, “How do you eat an elephant?  A: One bite at a time.”

Every year we express bewilderment in how quickly 365 days go. I was just toasting champagne at the final countdown into 2016 with what feels like 3 hours ago but in reality we are already 3 days into January.

We must mentally prepare for everything that lies ahead of us. The mind is brilliant and amazing. It works well for us but sometimes the mind seems to work against us.

We intimidate and limit ourselves at times with just our thoughts. Do you find yourself being your biggest critic? I know I do it far too often but it never does me any good.

The time I spend complaining or being critical of myself, I could be making real changes or positive impact in my life and others. I get some of it is human nature and not easy to turn off or walk away from our inner critic but we have to learn to quiet it so we can be productive.

As necessary as it is to be kind to others, it is also so important for you to be kind to yourself. You already have to fight so many battles and the courage to do so can best be found in the most trying times if you are kinder to yourself.

When the critical voice gets loud, tell it to be quiet or get lost.

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The Upcoming Year is for You so What’s Your Vision?

The activity that excites me most in this last week of the year, is creating my 2016 vision board.

I drank the kool-aid on vision boards at the end of 2014. I took the project seriously and clipped pictures and words that inspire me. I chose things that were in my mind but could actually come to life with a little effort.

I picked easy, medium and stretch goals to accomplish for the year. I have never been faithful to New Year’s Resolutions. Maybe I just always felt the pressure to pick something but somewhere 3-6 months in I would often give up on it.

Vision boards hold a little more weight to me than New Year’s Resolutions. New Year Resolutions for many are outrageous new commitments that sound good but take more sacrifice than people are willing to make. Resolutions are often short lived unfortunately but a vision is not constrained by time.

It is bigger than one year. It may include some of the same items your New Year’s Resolutions have but the mindset must be purposeful to keep your vision from fading like a trend or fad.

It builds on the concepts of past vision boards to achieve your best version of life. It can also completely switch directions throughout the year as you actively live your life. It is yours to control, create, change, update, add to, subtract from or scrap completely when needed. If you do it with the right attitude, working on your vision board will be fun, exciting and get you amped up for what is to come.

It can be about your health, finances, family, career, relationships or all those things and then some.

I want to list for you some the items from my 2015 vision board first then later will share some things that have made the cut for my 2016 vision board.

2015 Vision Board
Be Prepared • Give • Live Gloriously • Make Today Fun • Noteworthy Style • Communicate Desires Clearly • Empower the Soul • Walk Your Talk • Smart is Beautiful • Roads Less Taken • Stop Stress Before It Stops Me • Dream, Plan, Go • Relax and Reconnect • Do Something For Yourself • My Career • Dream Trip • Love My Body • Live With An Open Heart • 2015 is Mine • More Together Time • Go on, Indulge • Relax and Retreat •

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2015 has been the most fulfilling year of my life for so many reasons and I feel I owe a lot of it to creating a vision board. It sounds cheesy but I really mean it. I don’t think I would have started blogging, created Life Untangled, taken a dream holiday to Hawaii with my (no longer long-distance) boyfriend because he moved to my city this year — yay! and my family for Thanksgiving or lastly, raised enough funds to take an unexpected trip to London, England on scholarship for a Leadership Conference without a vision board this year.

I met this year with intention and I intend to continue on in my new favorite tradition.

My hope is you can use ideas from me to help you start figuring out what direction you desire for your life to head. If you don’t know where you’re going, how would you ever know if you have arrived?

A vision board can help you with that and it can roll over for however long you choose. Vision boards also make it easier to verbalize to others what you want.

2016 Vision Board
This Year is for You • Remodel Your Commute • Live Life Luxuriously • Write the Next Great Chapter in Your Life Story • Natural Girl Magic • Be Adventurous • Be Miles Away From Your Daily Routine • See the World from a Different Perspective • Namaste • Dive In Headfirst • More Than Happy • Gracious • Get Completely Lost in the Moment • Be Somebody to Lean On •

I believe that if you share your vision for your life with others, it is more likely to happen. It becomes more comfortable to talk about.

You may find yourself doing what I did this year…subconsciously look for more opportunities to fulfill parts of your vision. Others can hold you accountable and help you look for ways to achieve your vision.

With the introduction of a new year that symbolizes a fresh start for so many of us, now is the perfect time for you to start your vision board process.

I hope you’ll join me. I would love for you to share your vision boards with me. If you have any questions about what to do or how to get started, please send me a note. I am happy to help untangle things for you.

See you in 2016!!

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The Fourth Quarter: Final Countdowns on 2015

I happen to be a young lady with a fierce passion for pro football. So for sake of Sunday Night Football and my fantasy football team winning this week against a challenging opponent, embrace the analogy.

With the last 11 days left in 2015, I’d like to think of this like the 2 minute warning in football. We have had four quarters in 2015 to push our hardest.

Like me, you probably scored some touchdowns by accomplishing goals. You may have lost some yards by making mistakes or not giving your all when could have given a little more. Maybe you suffered a few too many unwelcome interceptions or turnovers when you were expecting life to be more smooth. Most importantly we all learned lessons to carry on into the next year.

Whether you feel like you’re winning or losing at this stage in the year, just remember, there will be opportunities in the new year to change the outcome if you find yourself dissatisfied. In the same breath, there will be more opportunities in the new year to be bigger and bolder than you were this year.

You will undoubtedly cycle back to some of the same opponents you battled this year and most likely will face a few new ones. Rely on those around you for support and at times you may have to dig deep and carry yourself.

When 2016 starts, it’s like kick-off all over again. You get four new quarters to make work for you. You will have an opportunity to show your strength, smarts, flexibility, independence and stamina.

The important thing in these final 2 minutes is finish strong. We have all seen those athletes who ease up off the gas right at the end because they just know they’re going to win. Then someone sneaks up in the final seconds to take the glory. Don’t Relax!

2016 is yours to command because it hasn’t happened yet. Right now you control the narrative to how this year ends and the next one begins.

May you set and break great records in your upcoming 2016 season.

See you next week to talk vision boards.

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Tailgating before Chicago Bears game

The Company We Keep

We are only as good as the company we keep.

Hopefully you choose your friends as much as they choose you so you know you are filling your space and time with people who deserve your attention but won’t drain you for it.

May you know people who live independent of you so they can fulfill their lives by accomplishing their goals and dreams yet they also have your backing and support.

We cannot escape becoming like the people we spend the majority of our time with — for better or worse. That’s why this idea of the grand importance on the company you keep matters.

Earlier this year in June, I attended a leadership conference in London on scholarship. I met the most brilliant women. Today was one of their birthdays and what caught my attention most was what someone else wrote about her. I spent just a few days with these ladies and yet we have joined up our lives together, celebrating our impact on one another.

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London
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London
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London

The post read, “This year I met some of the most amazing young people who inspired me and spurred me to action because they are already on the dance floor of life, doing some crazy samba with opportunities and resources to change the world. They believe they can and they are.”

Brilliant words from my dear friend and I wholeheartedly agree.

Over the weekend I had the great privilege of attending my friend and co-worker’s book launch.

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Book Launch
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Book Launch

She is now a published author, having just written her first book, A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict.

This is the same friend who has been featured in Ebony and (my favorite) Essence magazines. She has her own life coaching business, blog site and successfully blogs weekly for Black and Married with Kids, a very popular site with articles on relationships and parenting.

She is accomplishing so many goals I have and I am completely blessed to be close enough to watch and learn.

The other company I keep includes song writing award-winning producers, engineers, project managers, therapists, entrepreneurs, actors, artists, writers, designers, faithful husbands and wives, strong mothers and fathers, people going back to school for bachelors and masters and doctorate degrees. Those going back to achieve that GED they may need to propel their education and career forward.

I want the achievers, innovators, collaborators, those who are honorable and have intergrity.

I can look up to these people in my life. I  can be motivated and challenged by them. I can ask them questions to help me navigate my own path and best support them on theirs. I can soak up the good vibes, watch, listen, learn, do.

I don’t limit myself to only engaging people with uber established careers either. BUT I want people who exist in the mindset of moving forward. Medocrity and stagnation is a curse when you have control to make better things happen.

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Chicago Business Leader Meeting

They say if you are the smartest person in your group then you need a new group. I agree and am grateful for people in my life I can teach something to and learn something from.

What kind of company do you keep?

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Friend visiting Chicago
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Chicago Fundraiser

Birthday Reflections: Another Year Older, Wiser, Bolder

Today is my birthday! It has been a great weekend filled with doing all the things I wanted to do. It was the perfect mix of fun and rest.

Every year people give well wishes on the next year to come as you reflect on the year you had.

Today when I looked at all the messages, calls, pictures I received, I felt great. This was a satisfying, dynamic year for me. I accomplished many personal and professional goals. I traveled more than I expected. I feel good about the 365 days since my last birthday.

I cracked my world wide open when I chose to become bold. I am proud I did so without losing myself. I believe the better you know yourself and take care of yourself, more doors of opportunity open. This year was a major year of growth. I made my mistakes. I learned my lessons. I embraced the good with the bad.

My next birthday will be another age milestone. Ending the decade long relationship with my 20s will be something to celebrate even though it will be sad in some ways.

Cheers to 365 more days until the next reflection. May your 365 be filled with just the right amount of lessons and mistakes to make you older, wiser and bolder.

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The Aloha Life: Giving Thanks in Hawaii

I wrote this to you from aboard a Hawaiian Airlines flight headed home Sunday evening from The Big Island,  Hawai’i,  where I spent the last week enjoying the holidays with my family.

Vacation always has such a nice ring to it. It is set on a pedestal as an escape from reality and our regular day-to-day lives. Having been to Hawaiian islands before however has confirmed to me, I can live in Aloha more often than just while on hoilday.

A few years ago I was invited on a trip to Hawaii with a girl friend and her family and even though I was stretched to afford it, I felt as though I couldn’t say no. What if that was my only lifetime chance of seeing the most exotic paradise in our country?

It was paradise indeed. I visited Oahu for a few days and stayed in Honolulu. Walked the loud and busy streets of Waikiki Beach, full of sun-tanned tourists. I saw the sites of Diamond Head and Pearl Harbor. After a few days, we hopped on a jet to Kauai and THAT was even more so  the Hawaii I dreamed of. The Hawaii you see on calendars and in peaceful movie scenes is what Kauai is made of. It was breathtaking, gorgeous, stunning.

Fast forward to this year when my own family decided we would spend our Thanksgiving holiday on The Big Island together. I was beyond ecstatic. How many people get a trip of a lifetime…twice!?!

The Big Island was much different than the others I have seen. Much of the land is covered in volcanic rock.  Far fewer lush green fields that go on for miles. Yet it was still beautiful at every twist or turn. During the day the sun glistened off the ocean, illuminating the white, black, green and red sand beaches around the island. At night the full moon felt close enough to grab right out of the sky. On the nights with no moon, the stars shone bright like diamonds.

I enjoyed the sea and the shore. The trip I shared with seven of my loved ones was my most favorite vacation yet. We did lots of activities together but I aso took time each day to sit alone, reflect, enjoy, introvert and so on. It was so peaceful and fulfilling.

Whenever my mind would start doing too much, thinking too hard or remove me from vacation I would snap back to the present. “You have this moment only. Exist here right now,” I might say to myself. It worked.

I took and posted lots of photos but never did I stop fully living in my mental and physical vacation there.

Even now as I sit on this long journey home to icy Chicago streets probably filled with snow, I am reminding myself to keep in the Aloha.

Aloha is a greeting and salutation but also a state of mind and a state of being.

Living Aloha to me means two things:

1. Life Isn’t Perfect
2. But It Can Still Be Damn Good

There were plenty things that did not happen exactly how I wanted on this trip. Life goes that way sometimes — on vacation, at home, at work, in public. Sometimes it is good and healthy to let the controls go so you can ride with the tide. Or sometimes you get the chance in those moments to stand at a crossroads and decide, whether what everyone else chooses is best for you right now. If that is not what you want or need, will you be bold enough to go another way? 

That was the damn good part. I made decisions like am I going to roadtrip with the group or chill and catch up on some reading by the pool? Do I want to climb a mile down this scary looking mountain or miss the experience because of fear? I did climb the mountain by the way. It was exhausting and scary at points but turned into my highlight of the trip.

What kinds of questions, mountains, decisions, challenges are you trying to answer, conquer, resolve and overcome in your life?

I am thrilled to say that I am on my way to becoming a regular Hawaiian island visitor.

I will do as many trips as it takes to remind and instill the Aloha in me, whatever place I travel.

May you find your Aloha.

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Kona Coffee Shop
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Oceanside at Hilton Waikoloa Village
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Polulu Valley for sunrise & mountain climbing
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Legends of the Island Luau
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Kilauea Volcano at Volcano National Park

Wake Up and Live

It is a great week to give thanks. I am especially thankful for the holiday to spend with my loved ones. We decided to take a vacation for the holiday this year. More on that next week.

This year has been full of fun, adventure, challenge and change. I have taken on a lot of mottos this year. I have lots of resolutions. I have set and accomplished many goals. I have set and failed at others. All lessons learned with grace and an open mind.

Wake Up and Live is an important one. It is so valuable to be a person of action.  It is much better and far more rewarding to actively live this life we have instead of passively waiting for life to happen for us.

Monday evening signals the beginning of my vacation. I get to take a break from the regular rhythms of everyday life. It will be a mental and physical vacay. It is so timely and welcomed.

To enjoy life, we have to get out of our own way sometimes. We have to chill on the status updates and work emails. We have to give ourselves a chance to live the fulfilling life we actually desire.

I plan to re-energize, relax and recoup this week. Each morning is a new day to wake up and live. What will you do with it?

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